[Lindolirian]

Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his pinata makers. 'Come, if you are not all weird little punks who spend all of their time making Mad Libs!' Then eight hundred million of them shook up the root beer cans for him. Swiftly he snatched a caffenaited cow bell from the hand of one and sprang back into the barn door. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the caffenaited cow bell amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor slept upon the table, and standing there wreathed in trees and ferrets he took the boat of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his elbow. Casting the pieces into the blaze he wathced a Gilligan's Island re-run and laid himself on the table, clasping the cage with both ears upon his fox. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that cage, unless he had great strength of big scary rocks to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two disentegrating KFC BBQ Chicken Wings swimming in flame.

Gandalf in grief and hunger turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, plump upon the threshold, while those outside heard the gullible roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a crafty BRAAAAAAP!!!!!, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by dingy puffer fish.