[Hilde Bracegirdle]

Gilly

As she drew closer Gilly saw Toby had now set his bowl aside and was deep in sober conversation with the young ranger who stood near him. He seemed curiously deflated, slumped, as though a great weariness had caught him unaware, or perhaps as the ranger suggested, he was sick. After that cold river crossing, and having swallowed quite a bit of it herself, Gilly could imagine that Toby might truly be suffering a genuine complaint from the rough travel. But being careful not to interrupt the discussion, she took a few steps forward through the greenery and then halted among the bushes until there should come a lull in this serious talk, at which time she thought to approach them.

Try as she might, she could not help but overhear as Toby poured out the remorse of his heart, despairing the course his life had taken. Gilly was drawn in by the Bree hobbit’s confession, listening still more closely as he spoke solemnly of the Shire and an old man’s deceptions. As she struggled to understand, she was shocked by what Toby said of his true business with the Shire folk. And wondered that he might have known of her husband Carl and their friends’ activities in those bleak days of nonsense rules and restrictions. By then it had become so bad in Bywater that one actually had to ask permission of the shirriffs to travel from town to Hobbiton or Frogmorten. Why she had even had to take their leave to go her own parent’s farm outside town, those Southron ruffians going so far as to suggest to the shirriffs that she pay for the permit! And that just after the shop had burned and she and Carl hadn’t even a hatful of potatoes to offer them.

It sent shivers up her spine, as while standing in the gardens of Rivendell, in her mind she heard again the horns sounding that chill autumn day. She and her father had just come into town to complain to the Shirriff there. For one of the lines of maple trees that stood in front of the farm had been hewn down overnight and a band of men where threatening to make charcoal out it, and all the rest too along the road to Waymeet. And just as she and her father had entered Bywater Road, they saw Misters Brandybuck and Took having returned with the others from the War. So stern and tall in their strange clothes they looked. And Sam Gamgee from Hobbiton and Old Tom Cotton and his sons so brave, taking matters into they’re own hands that day. But most of all she recalled Mister Baggins’ persistent call for restraint, bless his heart. He would even be merciful to Saruman, it was told after. So noble and sad it was, she thought at the time, for he had almost died from it they said, when the wizard had tried to knife him for all his care to protect the scoundrel. But never let it be said that hobbits can’t rally in a pinch and see their way out of trouble! That was one thing old Sharkey hadn’t counted on!

But now seeing Toby, bowed low, so that his head rested in his hands and he looked for all the world as though his guilt threatened to sink him, she recalled these things, and began to understand in her own way, some little of what Mister Baggins must have been driving at. And seeing his regret, she felt strangely moved to comfort her fellow hobbit in his unhappiness, walking up to him as he bemoaned this net his fear had caught him in once again.

“Vanwe,” he whispered, suddenly. And quickly Toby raised his head imploring the young ranger standing there to help him find the one who went by this name. For he had promised himself to help her in her difficulties, and when he stood up quickly to go with the ranger, he turned and found Gilly standing there looking as much taken back as he himself, startled in this awkward moment. Gilly looked apologetically toward them, as she realized the blunder of her timing. But the young man drew close to Toby, and after whispering to the hobbit, nodded to them both and took his leave.

Looking red-faced and avoiding her glance, Toby sat down upon the stair at once, blankly staring at the ground under his feet. He moved not a muscle and Gilly could see he felt uncomfortable in her presence, and so felt more than a little uncomfortable herself. “There, there Mister Longholes, don’t mind me now! I am sorry but I heard quite a bit of your story. Intentional it was, of course. But if you don’t mind my saying so, many’s them that fell under the spell of that voice you spoke of. Like honey it was, and making such crystal sense, or so I heard tell. And plenty shirriffs too followed right along in his plans! But that was their own choice, eh? Not yours. All sorts of folk feel bad even now about letting things go as far as they did. Right clever that old man was, and you were not alone in listening to him, so please don’t be trying to carry that weight all on your own now. You might be strong, but it’ll crush you in the end. Mark my words, it will!”

“So much the better for me if it would. If only it happen more quickly!” Toby said with a melancholy grin.

“Surely you don’t mean that, now. Do you?” Gilly questioned, climbing up the stairs to sit beside him.

“I suppose not,” he said shooting her a quick glance. “Leastwise until I see something better done with my life then what I’ve been up to. But that day might never come. I’ve been of no great profit to anyone, not even myself, though I reckon Old Sharkey and Bill Ferny might have gotten something from me. And now what have I to look forward too?”

“Hush!” Gilly hissed. “Don’t speak so! You’ve only been living up to a bad lot’s expectations of you, and if you don’t expect much good of yourself you won’t get very far at all in changing things. But if you give up like this, I really shall think you the laziest sort of coward!”

“You don’t know me Mrs. Banks!”

“No I don’t, not really. But if you tried, I bet that by the time you were to reach the Shire, should you decided to return there, folk will take you to be the best sort of person. For now you know for yourself were such dark roads lead, and that is more than I can say for many I know of. It’d be better for you too than Bree, with that town’s bad influences, sitting at such a crossroad and all. The Shire’s quiet with naught but hobbits around you. And you’d have all four farthings to choose from!”

“Yes, and if I fell into old habits, all four farthings would hear tell of it in no time!”

“Well, I can’t say as you are wrong, but all the more reason to keep on the right road! And if you stray too far from a proper life, I’ll just have to hire Mister Kaldir to go after you and teach you the boundaries, won’t I? But speaking of him, do you know where he has got to? I’ve lost track of him,” Gilly asked, cranking her neck to peer through the bushes.

“He was here some time ago, but only for a moment and then went off again.”

“I do hope that he is feeling alright now, and you too. Think about it though, Mister Longholes, consider going back to make a clean start in the Shire,” she urged him, smiling brightly. “Mister Kaldir has offered to show me the way, and you could easily come along with us if you would like. It would be no problem, though it might set tongues wagging for a bit!”