Not dead just senile. Come on folks, we can see Agent Elrond chase dwarfs off his lawn while hitting them with a cane. Or Celeborn going, "In my day we didn't have a pansy dark lord. No siree, we had the real *beep*ing deal. Morgoth was his *beep*ing name. And we had no help from these *beep* Maiar just Melian. And then those *beep*ing Noldor had to come over here with their *beep* jewels and kill half of our *beep* country. " And Orlando can play Thranduil and we find out that he's having an affair with Galadriel who is fed up with Celeborn and has decided to get herself a boy toy.
And then the ghost of Tolkien will come and kill everybody connected to the movie.
