[Pyroclastic]

As the dwarves packed for their journey, the unknown foes in Moria went about business as usual. Uzgash sat in a hidden cavern, listening to the reports of his spies. Kartuz, from the hated Turgrog’s command, had just arrived with his latest information. "Turgrog’s forces are ripe for revolt," he said, "all are tired of his unfairness and excessive punishment. They only lack a leader for such a revolt. Many orcs still fear him enough that unless a strong leader takes command of the situation, they will remain silent."

Uzgash sat back, digesting this information. He had know that if he simply bided his time, Turgrog’s forces would turn against him. Such a perfect opportunity never occurred by accident. Indeed, it was now Uzgash’s time for domination or Moria.

"Is there an orc who would take such command and do well with it?" Uzgash ask his spy.

"Nazklash, he would seize such an opportunity like a fallen sword," said Kartuz, "Nazklash has a lust for power that could be very useful in this situation."

BOOM! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Uzgash and Kartuz looked about in alarm as the cavern walls shook, and loose rock began to crash to the floor around them. "Back to your ranks!" Uzgash ordered Kartuz. What’s Grog up to now? Uzgash wondered to himself.

Uzgash made haste to Grog’s cavern. As he got closer, the noise got louder. He could hear orcs shouting and screaming, the cracking and breaking of stone, and Grog’s trollish laughter.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Uzgash rounded the corner and stopped, just looking at the melee of orcs. "Get it away from him!" One orc shouted at all of the others, "We’ve got to stop him!" Orcs ran uselessly about the entrance to Grog’s cavern. Uzgash pushed his way through the orcs to see what was going on. He looked cautiously around the doorway of the cavern at Grog. Grog sat on the floor and looked out at all of the orcs scrambling about, smiling stupidly. Uzgash squinted, trying to get a good look at the object in Grog’s hand. Grog waved it about cheerfully, sending the orcs screaming in retreat. He held a large, oddly shaped wooden club with one end wrapped in leather. Oh, no thought Uzgash, they didn’t. Grog brought the club crashing down.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Who gave the troll a drum?" Uzgash bellowed. "Who In Moria would be so stupid! I will rip his limbs off and feed them to the troll, and cast his remaining body down for the Fiery One! Who did this?" Uzgash yanked a lit torch from off of the wall and held it up, looking for the orc to blame. The orcs murmured and shrank back. Grog giggled and shook the drumstick in the air. "You three," Uzgash pointed at the three unfortunate orcs closest to the doorway, "get that thing away from him!" The three orcs scurried into Grog’s cave. "You two," he selected another pair of hapless orcs, "distract Grog from his drumming. Throw rocks, yell, scream, sing, whatever it takes to get him to drop the drumstick. GO!"

One orc began picking up cave fragments and hurling them against the back wall behind Grog, causing the troll to turn around and look at the crashing behind him. This made him loosen his grip on the club, and another orc made a brave scramble up the troll’s arm and began shoving the club out of his hand, while his friend grabbed the other end of the club and pulled it. "Ooourg?" Grog said, turning to look at the orcs crawling on him. "Gahh, oooga!" He got excited, the orcs wanted to play with him!

Grog glanced down at the ground and noticed Uzgash standing there. "Ugash!" He yelled in happy surprise, "Ugash!" Uzgash looked around for explanation. An orc pointed to the guy next to him. "Grashnegg here has been training Grog to speak." Grashnegg quivered. "He thought it would be, fun." The orc sneered. Grashnegg attempted to smile, and failed. "Did you also think it would be fun to teach the troll to play a drum?" Uzgash inquired. Grashnegg just stood there, shaking.

"Ugash!" BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Grog began beating the drum again, much to the orcs in the cavern’s dismay. The orc on Grog’s arm flew off into space, smashing against a wall and slumping onto the floor. The one who had been pulling on the other end of the club fared no better, getting smashed into the drum and bouncing off onto the ground. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Two orcs lunged forward in an unknown attempt to do something, BOOM! Grog brought the drumstick crashing down onto his giant drum, and the two orcs were flung back by the sheer force of the sound wave. At that moment, Uzgash saw the futility of this war. It was useless, no orc could hope to calm the troll while he was having so much fun.

"Retreat!" Uzgash yelled into the cavern, "Retreat!" The orcs gratefully fled the vicinity of the troll. "We’ll just have to wait for him to sleep." Uzgash said. "Now, where is the little pig Grashnegg?"