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A few nano-seconds later, Alli knew exactly how they were going to get there. She just wasn't sure where there was. Where could Orlando Bloom be found? Ah... easy enough. Okay... she had it.
"Okay..." she stopped completely, turning on her heel to look behind her at Sai. She stared blankly at nothing before realizing that Sai was at her side, not behind her, and that she'd over-spun. She tried to compensate and fell over. Standing up quickly and cringing a bit at the sharp pain in her knee, she pretended that nothing had happened and was relieved that Sai acted the same. "Okay..." she started again. She looked completely serious; not moody... actually, she looked as happy as Sai had yet seen her. But she looked pensive and a little worried. "Do you trust me?"
Sai looked at her and answered. "Of course, why?"
"No... I need you to think about it a little longer. Do you really trust me? If it suddenly seems like all of my decisions have led us into immenent danger and we're about to be crushed into microscopic pieces of corpse, will you still trust that it's all part of the plan and that I'm just about to pull off my coup d'etat? Some of my decisions on my road to the destination might seem... unconventional. I'm not positive what I'm doing, but I can promise you that I'm going to try my very hardest to do it perfectly anyhow. Will you trust that I'll get us there safely? Are you certain that you know what you're getting yourself into? I don't want you to travel alongside me without knowing that things could go very wrong because I'm arrogant, perpetually impulsive, and I'm going to try hard to be responsible, but sometimes my idea of responsible seem very different to others."
Sai had never seen Alli speak so seriously about herself. She considered hard for a few moments before slowly nodding.
"I will trust you."
"Oh good." Alli brightened immediately. "Let's go hitch a ride. I saw a pleasantly creepy looking middle-aged man with really large glasses drive by a short time ago in a white van with tinted windows. Oh look, he's coming back."
Sai looked around quickly and then laughed, seeing Alli's tasteless joke.
"How are we actually going to get there?" she asked, now eying the kamura orcs with a bit of well-hidden disdain. "Are we actually hitching?"
"Depends on how desperate we get. It's a long trip. But I think it will all go well... we're going to Florida. It's a tourist trap, so I'm sure we won't have trouble finding foolish looking families clad in vermin-esque head-gear flocking there. We shouldn't have a problem."
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Several hours later, Alli and Sai were seating uncomfortably in the back of a red minivan. A youngish couple and their children talked happily at them as they looked at each other incredulously. Did people really act like this?
"And then Louis here got his promotion and we moved into the suburbs and it's just so lovely there, and the street we live on is named after all of the beautiful trees that they cut down in order to make room for it, and the twins, Marissa and Lucas, share the most darling little nursery decorated all in baby bunnies. Their nanny is watching them for the week while we take little Susie here and Michael to Disney World. Tell them what you got on your test, Michael. Oh, he's just shy. He got a wonderful grade on his science test and we just had to reward him, but we couldn't take him to Disney World and leave Susie behind, so here we are and here you are with us!" The woman had the cheerful voice of a 50's sitcom's housewife and Alli was trying very hard to smile... but it was beginning to look more like a grimace.
And then Susie and Michael began to sing The Song That Never Ends.
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Within seconds, Alli and Sai were walking again. As the too-damned-happy little family drove away, Alli pointed to the blue skies and palm trees and shocking roads, paved with seashells instead of stone.
"We're here. Orlando, Florida, Mordor, Middle Earth. Now we just need to find the gardens."
"If you don't mind my asking... why are we searching for a movie star in a little known flower garden in the middle of Florida, Mordor?"
"Well it's simple, really. It's a little known fact that Orlando was conceived in one of these gardens. It's where his name came from. Apparently something about a rose or a tulip or something. I don't know the exact story." She shuddered. "I really don't want to. But his parents named him Orlando Bloom after some flower they saw while vacationing here. It's where he comes when he's not shooting movies."
"Sweet." said Sai, grinning. "Oh god... I think we've found him."
Suddenly they were knocked into a large shrubbery (not too big or expensive) as a group of 15-year-olds ran by screaming and giggling. Standing up and brushing the mulch off of her pants, Alli looked over the hedge to where the fangirls had been running. There he sat looking very content... Now to action.
"Okay... now that we're here... Sai... I have no idea how to get those fangirls away from him. I thought of making another simulacra... but my contacts are off at Mount Doom and it would take too long. We only have a little bit of time."
She checked her watch. "Only an hour, to be precise. Oh crum..."
She pulled out her cell phone and hit 1 on speed-dial. "Hey Anakron, it's Alli. Sai and I are just about to relieve Orlando Bloom of his fangirls. We'll have the task done, but we might get back a bit late. We'll have to walk, unless we can find some suburbanites to hitch with that aren't so perfect that I feel like vomiting. Wait..." she added, seeing a flirty looking pilot eying her. "I might be able to score a jet flight back."
She hung up and looked back at Sai. "I got his answering machine. Now... how do we get those girls away? I'm pretty certain that they'll count for both of us... after all, there are more than one. If I take the president of his fanclub and you wait a few seconds for him to have a new favorite, we can then get all of the girls to come with and it counts as multiple relievings and we'll have finished the task. But we don't have much time and I've got to go secure us a ride home. You think on it and I'll go get us a free flight back to Mount Doom and then just come over if you have any ideas... or I'll run over if I come up with one... unless you want to go hit on that pilot?"
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