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“What a relief.” The Pearie Ockcide Potion had fully restored Panakeia’s hair to a platinum sheen. She smoothed the folds of her dress in preparation to make her appearance in the resort. A last check in her compact mirror showed Panakeia that her right ear was without its proper earring. Must have fallen off in the car with all that orc-transformation business. She headed back to the area where she left the Cruiser. As she drew closer, she thought she heard the sound, not of music, but of sirens. I wonder what that’s all about.
Panakeia rounded a boulder. There was her Cruiser, surrounded by traffic officials, their highway patrol cars’ sirens screaming at full volume. A tow truck was preparing to pull away the Cruiser. She hurried over to a large orc, who stood giving directions. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she said, a note of anger in her voice.
The orc reached into his pocket and whipped out a series of photographs. He handed them to Panakeia, and her mind raced back to the flashing lights from her trip. Dratted traffic cameras, she thought in frustration. “Multiple violations have been recorded for this vehicle. Therefore, we have been delegated the task of confiscating said vehicle and searching for its operator, to whom we shall deliver these violation notices.” He displayed a stack of papers, at least an inch thick. He looked suspiciously at Panakeia, then at one of the photos, then back at Panakeia. He pointed to the picture. “This driver would not happen to be you, would she?”
Panakeia’s heart pounded. Keep your cool, you’ll get out of this. She looked at the picture. What an awful photo this is. You can’t even see my face. Or clothes either. All probably lucky – that orc look is simply not me. And that horrid green hair…Can’t even see my face.
That was the answer. Suddenly, she laughed. “Me? Of course not. Look here. This driver has green hair. Mine is, of course, blonde. How could that possibly be me?”
The orc examined the photos. “I suppose you are correct. I apologize for the inconvenience.” He turned to leave.
“Wait. You aren’t going to take the Cruiser, are you?”
“In fact, we are. The Cruiser must be held in lieu of payment on these tickets.” He tapped the ominously thick sheaf of papers.
“But you can’t do that,” she protested. A clever twinkle came into her eyes. She took the orc confidentially by the arm. “Don’t you know who’s Cruiser that is?”
“No, that information is not available.”
“Well, I can tell you that it belongs to The Grand Anakronist himself. In person. And…” Panakeia decided to play her game to the fullest. “And, I have been sent here by the most illustrious Anakron Istkon Vayor to retrieve this Cruiser, which was stolen. The thief has been found by our staff and is now being properly dealt with.” She furrowed her eyebrows and stared at the orc. “You wouldn’t want to interfere, now would you?”
The orc wavered. The normal procedure was clear, but this didn’t seem to be an ordinary situation. “Very well. You may claim the vehicle. But what am I to do about these violations?”
Panakeia put on her best look of exasperation. “That’s not my concern! This matter is being handled at the highest levels. Do not trouble me with such trifles!”
“I am very sorry. Very sorry indeed. We will be on our way.” He called to the rest of the traffic officials. “Let’s go.” They scurried into their cars and roared off.
Panakeia stood for a moment, watching them vanish in a cloud of dust. Then she laughed and laughed again, the loudest, merriest laugh Panakeia had known in ages. She got in to the Cruiser, located her earring on the driver’s seat, and set it on her ear. Then, with a grin reaching from earring to earring, she entered the Mount Doom Casino and Resort in search of a place to spend the next few days.
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