It's so gooood! I will have to give it another read and do it justice, but right now I am just amazed at how good it is!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huinesoron
One thing jumped out at me in your yours/ours piece: is the 'sky-ships' motif that keeps coming up a reference to Swan-ships on the Straight Road? It might almost be worth just making it 'swan-ships' if so, since I think we've dropped any explicit references to them flying.
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I think it's an indirect reference to the Straight Road. Finrod uses it too in his Truth (second last stanza). I kind of like the idea of sky-ships, because I imagine them just slowly leaving the curvature of the Earth and going on straight. But if you think "Swan-Ships" would be better, we can change both instances.
Actually, Finrod's line becomes interesting. Because "Sky-ships are burning in the sunset light" (which btw is very faithful to the Russian text) sounds more of the same idea as Galadriel's, but "Swan-ships are burning in the sunset light" sounds like Feanor's little bonfire party. I am now not sure which one fits better with his theme.