Glad you agree!
And I'd like to keep more of that too, but I wasn't sure it fits there. It's too early for Aulë to call it a rebellion, isn't it? As of yet it's just a fight between two brothers. But it occurs to me you could swap "rebellion" for "unrest", since it is said a few paragraphs earlier that "The unrest of the Noldor was not indeed hidden from the Valar". This would also reflect back to the earlier statement that Sarmo "bitterly rued the day" he taught Fëanor all he learned from Aulë.
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... DoV-UN-00.8b <Shibboleth for after long endeavouring to change his mood, she became estranged. (Her kin were devoted to Aulë, who counselled her father to take no part in the {rebellion}unrest. 'It will in the end only lead Fëanor and all your children to death.')> ...
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I had considered placing this in Chapter 12 with Nerdanel's plea to leave the twins behind (and then "rebellion" could remain), but it seems odd to have Aulë's warning about all her children dying so close to her asking Fëanor to leave her just two of them.
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Originally Posted by Findegil
I would like to take up even a bit more and not lose the connection with Indis
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I don't think Nerdanel can "retire to her father's house" and also "abide with Indis". Both of those phrases mean she went to live there, so it would have to be one or the other.