[Galadriel55]

Originally Posted by Huinesoron

To my father once you had made a promise

That 'had' is purely for the syllable. Possibly 'To my father once you [made/swore] [oath/vow] and promise'?

"You made solemn promise"?

Originally Posted by Hui

But to him my love merely is a reason!

I think 'merely is' may have been my fault, but 'is merely' would be less gratuituous.

Yes, I think "is merely" is what he really means, but when you sing it it comes out Is mereLY.

Originally Posted by Hui

Such the unfair price for his kingly honour!

Is there a reason we haven't just quoted the Silm? 'Such a [meagre/little] price for his kingly honour!'

Yeah, you've suggested that before. I didn't like it, because in the Sil Beren is talking to Thingol, with snark and sacrasm - and even in the sarcasm, he still means it, that Thingol would exchange Luthien for an object. Whereas here, he is opening his heart to Finrod with complete honesty, and is lamenting the difficulty of the task. However... it's still somewhat of a snide remark at Thingol, so maybe a dose of sarcasm is not too out of place...

What about "Such the price he set for his kingly honour"?

Originally Posted by Hui

I would fain in battle my love defend,

This one is fine, but I wonder if the original means 'my love, Luthien' or 'my love for Luthien'? Or is it a both?

-- Yes.

Could be both grammatically, but at this point he has nothing to worry about with regard to defending Luthien, her being safe at home, so my understanding was always that he means "love for Luthien" and not "Luthien".

Originally Posted by Hui

I would fain fulfill the will of another,

How about 'I would fain fulfil his demand with honour'? With the 'kingly honour' line before, it would be "He's sold his honour, but I'll keep mine."

I like that best of the three options, I think.

Originally Posted by Hui

One can't escape one's doom...
How could I have foreseen this?
This plan leads to a tomb
A Curse from slumber rises!...

Possibly 'How might I'; I kind of want an 'ought' in there, but the grammar would break. Also, 'This course' or 'This road leads'?

"How might" and either of the two work. I think "this course" is more accurate of what he means, a course of action in the general sense, but "this road" sounds more dramatic. I am leaning "road", I think.

"Ought to" would do well, yeah... "I ought to have foreseen this"? But this is supposed to be a question recognizing that he really couldn't have foreseen it. Dunno.

Originally Posted by Hui

In this poisoned chalice is my doom brewing.

'my doom is' should sing fine.

...Stop dismantling my Yoda grammar!

Yeah, you're probably right.

Originally Posted by Hui

I see we're right back at the first song you translated - it's good stuff.

Yeah. Coming around the circle again - and this piece is still a little bit magical for me, especially in V1, where Beren just wears his heart on his sleeve throughout it.

And next is Amarie - your first! This is a nice way to begin Half #2 of the project.

Originally Posted by Hui

It would be fun to stage this sequence live - I'm seeing Beren going away distraught from 'Appeal', and Finrod not telling him the plan before 'Renunciation' starts. He'd have to sit through the entire song conveying his rollercoaster ride of reactions in silence, telling the entire story behind the final 'Sire, I thank you for being true' just through acting.

That would be quite cool!