First, welcome to the Downs, Orphalesion!
I don't know that I see the Elves' "spinelessness" the way you do. I would be tempted to discount the examples of Fëanor and his sons, and really anything to do with the Oath or the Silmarils. That was a unique situation in the history, and colored greatly the actions of the Noldor in the First Age. It's notable that in after times we don't see Elves committing atrocities in blind obedience.
Those Noldor also had a special loyalty to their kings of those times, due to their connection and descent from the earliest Elves who awoke by Cuiviénen.
Yes, if some of the followers of Fëanor, his sons, or the other Noldorin princes under the Curse had chosen their paths differently much evil would have been avoided. The fact that they did not is to me the greatest indicator of its power.
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Music alone proves the existence of God.
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