Quote:
Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba
Feel free to post your own rival newspapers while I'm away, if you wish. 
THEY WILL BE JUDGED! |
Sure.
Once upon a time in a land flowing with beer and wurst, a stranger appeared. He was called Messy and his dress sense changed with the seasons. Quite often he would be observed window shopping in the most absurd manner possible.
This made
Aganzir consider a new fetish - after all, she hadn't considered how attractive fish could be when skinned and boned - frying them though ruined it all. Nevertheless she strolled along until she met
Hookbill who was carrying
the phantom in his arms to the church. They had decided to get married and invited all the Barrow-Downers to the reception. Of course, this was a bad decision, in hindsight, as that included
Thinlómien, who delighted in stealing the topper off the cake and generally causing an awkward silence broken only by
Kath poking
Shastanis Althreduin's guts with a stick.
Shasta, obviously, didn't quite approve, but having lost his arms and legs in a battle two years previously, there was little enough he could do about it. So
Shasta was forced to join the guerilla gorillas, an infamous band of outlaws led by the fearless Redface
Nogrod.
Shasta soon became
Nogrod's right-hand man and together they became known as the Terror Troop of the Wild West. Nothing could stop them until Sheriff
Oddwen showed up and gunned
Nogrod with her pink Kalashnikov.
Nogrod died and was buried in the corner of the Central Park, right next to a playground. Five years later
Lommy &
Legate's child found his body and ate it, as she had been trained to do since birth by evil Auntie
Aganzir.
Lommy howled at this and laid
Legate's severed head at
Volo's feet.
Aganzir cackled in malicious glee and threw acid into the face of oncoming traffic!! It was so brutal that two exclamation marks were needed!! Both times. But not on the third time.
Anyway, people were getting bored and one by one they slipped away to play Apples to Apples. But it was not long till some of the ideas tossed around started to annoy
morm, so we got nothing coherent out of him for quite some time. Not that we needed anything.
Nogrod came up with the brilliant plan to make money by hiring the souls of his fellow Downers - those few who had souls obviously. He even tried selling
Oddwen Malice's soul - for a ludicrous discounted price of two dollars and a cigarette, but
Squatter had quit smoking years ago and got second thoughts almost the minute he made his offer.
Unfortunately for him, she accepted, and their baby was born nine months later. They named her Auschwitz-Birkenau because she was the most dreadful thing in the world. Well, right after
Aganzir's twin sister Sharia, anyway.
**
Note: I didn't write this. Alone.