BARAD-DÛR NEWS
DRAGON ESCAPES
Due to a miscalculation by the orcs on duity a dragon snapped it's chain and flew off. Sauron himself flayed the orcs and sent a legion after the escaped Dragon. The Dragon left a mile of disturction through Mordor before exiting over the surounding mountains, leaving a little more then 3500 orcs dead. Warning: Sauron's not happy and the Witch-King has been seen.
MORGOTH RETURNS!
The Top Tower - A spokesorc has announced earlier today that the First Dark Lord Melkor "Morgoth" Bauglir has returned after a very long vacation. The Second Dark Lord has been noted to have said, "You [butt hole]! I told you not to announce his return! How dare you defy me, you [poop head]. I haven't yet figured out a way to get rid of him with out him knowing!" The spokesorc hasn't been seen since.
HE PLANS TO STOP THE PRINTING OF NEWSPAPER
805th floor - After the announcement of the First Dark Lord's return He has threatened Oddwen, the owner and editor of the Barad-Dûr Newspaper, that He will stop the printing of newspapers in Mordor if anything else is printed without His approval.
"What rubbish." Oddwen said, shaking, after meeting with the Second Dark Lord and God of All. "I have never printed anything that would suggest I don't support Him."
GOD OF ALL HAPPY AFTER ATTACK, DESTRUCTION
After an attack on a boarder city that left 115 dead and many houses burning the God of All is happy. God, silver, precious gems and an escaped Dragon were taken from the city earlier today. The Dragon is rumoured to be the same one that escaped yesterday. The town was up all night trying to evict the dragon an failed to see the oncoming legion that Our God sent after it.