[Estelyn Telcontar]

Two Valley Girls read the Ring Poem:

“Three Rings...”

“OMG, did you say rings?! Are they, like, for real? Do you think they’re engagement rings? But why three of them?”

“It says they’re for some king dudes.”

“But that’s like totally strange – kings have enough jewelry already. Why do they need more? And anyway, dudes don’t get engagement rings, duh!”

“What-ev-er, maybe they’re some kind of friendship ring. Stop interrupting, airhead, and let me read more. It says the kings live under the sky.”

“No way! Kings live in palaces, everyone knows that.”

“Way! It says so – maybe they were like camping out. Wait, there’s more. Some Dwarf-lords get seven rings...”

“Dwarfs? You mean short guys with long beards? Eeeewww! That is like so gross! Who wants to be friends with them?”

“This is fantasy – maybe they’re tre cool dudes. And they live in stone halls.”

“OMG, like in caves?! Doesn’t anyone there have like normal houses?”

“Wait, there’s more: ‘Nine for mortal Men doomed to die...’”

“Well, duh! What’s so special about that? Everybody dies, like, sooner or later.”

“It just says “Men”, nothing about women. Do you think the chicks get to live forever? That would be seriously awesome!”

“So not cool! I bet those wizards don’t have any Botox, and who would want to have wrinkles forever? The young dudes wouldn’t look at them, for sure!”

“’One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne...’”

“Oooh, that creeps me out! Like OMG, that must be like the baddie! He must have the big boss jewelry!”

“Totally! And he lives in a land called ‘Mordor’, where it’s shady. Doesn’t sound like it’s near LA - must be up in northern California. And it gets even more awesome – ‘One Ring to rule them all’, and it like finds all of them and captures them and ties them up.”

“As if! How’s the ring supposed to do all that? Or is it the big baddie?”

“I don’t know, all it says again is where he lives.”

“Well gag me with a spoon! Who’d have thought that a poem could be so bitchin’?!”