If you will accept my humble suggestions as to how a man would say what you have put in Thornden's mouth. One trick for writing men versus women is that, in general, once a woman's tongue is loose, it stays loose, whereas words come haltingly to men, especially in tricky situations like this. In general, whereas a woman would fill the silence in order to cover the discomfort, for men, the discomfort is in finding the words in the first place.
The below might be more of a man's way.
Quote:
|
Thornden opened his mouth but the words came slowly. “Saeryn didn’t know about a letter.” He tried to work out his thoughts before he said something he'd regret. “Ginna would have told her if it gave no blessing." He paused, trying to gauge his listener's reaction; there was none. "His disapproval never kept her from ... showing interest in you before. This cannot be final…unless…did he say she had to leave?”
|
The above is far from perfect as an illustration of what a man might say versus a woman. But maybe you can see the gist of what I mean? Another trick is using a euphemism for the word, "love". Harreld will know what he means, but be grateful Thornden avoided the word. In fact, I may want to edit my last post for Harreld if you revise yours. Let me know....