Death by Muffin
Again the crew gathered on the bridge, or what remained of it, and again the accusations flew. This time they centred on
Lieutenant Paranoia and
Android Technician Wilwa– the former because he had wanted to kill
Blind Guardian, the latter because she had been reluctant to do so.
"Trying to make herself look good, if you ask me," said
Loslote, glancing up from the panel she was repairing.
Engineering Technician
Shasta nodded firmly. "What the Chief said."
"Indeed– or, as they say on Alpha Goombae VI–
schmorfl," Ensign
Pitchwife agreed.
"MUFFINS! WHO WANTS MUFFINS?" B.I.L.L.Y. the Android entered, bearing a tray. "ENGLISH MUFFINS, BLUEBERRY MUFFINS, BANANA MUFFINS, APPLE MUFFINS! GET YOUR MUFFINS HERE!"
"What in Space is this?" said Commander
Inziladun.
The Android Technician smiled sweetly. "Oh, sir, I thought it was time for refreshments. Won't you try one?"
"
No! Don't touch them!" Lieutenant
Paranoia knocked the tray from B.I.L.L.Y's hands. It fell to the floor with a crash. Muffins and muffin fragments rolled all over the bridge. "That is... they might have been poisoned... sir."
Wilwa drew herself to her full height, glaring at the Second Officer. "So that's what trying to be nice to humans gets me? That's it then! –B.I.L.L.Y.," she pointed at
Paranoia,
"Attack!"
"SAVE WILWA! SAVE WILWA! SAVE WILWA!" As B.I.L.L.Y. advanced on the Lieutenant, his hands retracted and were replaced with whirring, needle-sharp drills. "SAVE WILWA! SAVE WILWA! SAVE WILWA!"
"Someone save
me!" pleaded
Paranoia, backing away. He fired at B.I.L.L.Y., but the rays were deflected by the android's surface.
Yelling a Fundalkn war-cry,
Pitchwife tackled the android from behind, while
Loslote smashed its head in with an iso-spanner. B.I.L.L.Y. staggered away and crashed into the helm console, which fortunately could hardly be damaged worse than it was already.
After Commander
Inziladun had commended
Loslote and
Pitchwife on their bravery, there remained the problem of what to do with the clearly evil
Wilwa.
"Sir,"
Loslote picked up a large blueberry muffin, "may I suggest– poetic justice?"
Everyone thought that was an excellent plan.
Wilwa kicked and screamed, but they held her down and forced muffin after muffin down her gullet. Whether she simply choked, or whether the Second Officer had been right about the poison,
Wilwa's face soon turned blue and, after a few spasms, she went limp.
At first nothing happened.
"Maybe she was just the Traitor?" young
Rikae suggested.
"I knew we should have killed
Pitchwife," muttered Technician
wintywinty. "All that funny talk of his..."
"Quiet!" Commander
Inziladun ordered.
A change was spreading over the corpse. First its hair melted away, then its skin hardened and turned to scales, while webs formed between its fingers and the once attractive face flattened into a noseless, wide-mouthed reptilian mask. The dead eyes were huge and yellow now, with slit pupils like a cat's.
Rikae's eyes seemed almost equally huge as he stared at the thing that had been
Wilwa.
"Gosh," the boy breathed.
He spoke for all of them.
The Crew
Living
Commander
Inziladun –First Officer.
Lieutenant
Paranoia –Second Officer.
Ensign
Pitchwife –Communications Officer/Interpreter.
Master Chief Petty Officer
Loslote –Chief Engineer.
Isabellkya –Sensor Technician, First Class.
Shasta –Engineering Technician.
wintywinty –Weapons Maintenance Technician.
Rikae –"Cabin Boy" (a thirteen-year-old stowaway).
Dead
Doctor
Morsul –Medical Officer and Captain
McNerwen. –shot by Traitor on Night One.
Ensign
Blind Guardian–
Tactical Officer. –Died in convulsions (Telepath).
Eomer –Security Officer. –Thrown out the airlock (Bounty Hunter).
Lieutenant
Sally –Navigator. –Torn to pieces (Metamorph).
Chief Petty Officer
Keeper of Dol Guldur –Quartermaster. –Killed by exploding console (Ordinary).
Wilwa –Android Technician, Second Class. –Force-fed own muffins (Metamorph).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It is now Night Three.