[the phantom]

A week or so back I had a curious dream. Since I had been playing Left 4 Dead in the hours leading up to bed, the theme of the dream was quite understandable- I was attempting to escape from a zombie-infested building. That in itself would hardly qualify as odd, but there was a twist. Have you ever seen Signs? Well, in that film, the aliens react to water the way we would react to some extremely strong form of acid. In my dream, these zombies had that same weakness. I was literally taking them down with a squirt gun.

Unfortunately my water pistol didn't have much of a reservoir, and I was continually forced to backtrack to my starting point to refill before thrusting out again. Each time down my chosen path I was getting closer to escape. But then I hit a snag, and also encountered the individual that qualifies this as a dream of the Barrow-Downs variety.

There were two rooms leading off the final hall. The second was quite problematic- it was a wide opening and it was just crawling with zombies, and they were too tightly packed for me to use my usual method of attracting one at a time into attacking and wasting them with the water pistol. No, no- if I walked past the room it was likely to rouse the whole mob, and I simply didn't have the ammo for it. But the room before the final room held the solution! I slowly opened the door and what did I see through the crack? A sink, and atop the counter next to it, a hose! Ha ha!

But now peeking the rest of the way into the room, this one contained zombies as well. Only three- but I recognized one. It was none other than Lari! And oddly enough, she and the other two zombies were talking! (As opposed to staggering about and drooling, the two staples of zombie-ism.)

I had to use their hose, that much was clear, but I didn't wish to slay Lari-zombie. She was quite clearly a zombie, desiring to feast upon human flesh and the like. She wasn't truly Lari any more. And yet, it looked like Lari, and sounded like her, and I just struggled mentally with the idea of gunning her down. (The season 2 Buffy/Angel dilemma is so clear to me now!)

So, I did what any intelligent chap would do- I strolled in and attempted to reason with the zombies. (Please note that I strongly discourage this approach in real life! I'd feel terrible if someone read this and attempted to follow my strategy and ended up a bit dead as a result.)

Lari and her zombie pals were put off by my water gun, and I could tell that they had both the urge to cower in fear and to try and kill me before I had a chance to act. After a minute or two however, they slowly came around, and started to at least half believe that it was possible I wasn't there to kill them, but truly wished to borrow their hose and sink. And then Lari said something that really surprised me. "Lower your gun and give me a hug then. If you truly don't mean me any harm and want to be friends, give me a hug."

Needless to say my heart started pumping a bit quicker. Place myself within the arms of a violent creature with super-human strength? That would completely compromise any advantage I had in the situation! But in the end I decided it was the only way. I gave Lari a hearty squeeze, making sure that the water gun was visible (to discourage her from getting any ideas about squeezing me to death), but on the other hand trying not to brandish the weapon too much (I didn't wish to provoke her friends or give visions of treachery).

After several tense and awkward seconds it was over, and I was told I could use their hose and sink. I had it working in no time and went out into the hall and to the next room and blasted the mob of zombies into oblivion. My way out of the building was clear! But then, a thought- what if, as soon as I'm out, Lari and friends change their mind about eating me and rush me from behind? She was an evil zombie after all. She couldn't be trusted!

But it would be so very low to repay her kindness by spraying her with her own hose. What to do? After giving it some thought, I compromised- I popped into the doorway and sprayed the legs of Lari and company, rendering them incapable of pursuit, but leaving them quite alive.

And then I dashed to freedom.

The end.