[Tuor in Gondolin]

When Esmeralda heard the unfortunate bit of bad news she decided to ask Bilbo to give her advice on Insurance Claims for poisoning customers.

But the Precious decided that it was best to go to Bagend and claim for itself Esmeralda's delicious pie which happened to be UncleBilbo's secret secret which everyone knew about.
So it apparently involved Arwen, Legolas, and a mob of scary-looking zombie hobbit children that all planned to dance all over Bilbo's face, which made passers-by drink zombie blood and then go and eat some lembas with unfounded glee.

Despite all this, it was clear that not even Sauron's bad breath could prevent Bilbo from releasing the horror upon the unsuspecting folk of Mirkwood vampire spiders which happened to bite Legolas Greenleaf in his buttocks which was distressing because he then required Gimli to use a special and very painful method, in order to cleanse and drink Esmeralda's remedy which was made on Tuesday night.

This caused there to be some sudden changes in this absurd story which Bilbo was trying to translate into every language, publish in Playboy, and send to Mr Peter Jackson."


A rift in the space-time continuum opened near Esmeralda's kitchen as she ate
all the cookies made from Bob marley's garden of strange Weed.
...The continuum spun...