[Tuor in Gondolin]

"In the Shire there lived a curious hobbit called Esmerelda of Bucklebury. Hobbits for miles loved to eat the brand new purple mushroom casserole Which she made with a dark green substance she grew in the secret cellar under the smelly cowshed. Sometimes, she even made four large trolls eat the plums that were old and moldy and covered in a fluffy multicoloured mashed mouse mousse. But Uncle Bilbo knew something shocking about the secret which was that it also contained some 'special' meat.

Therefore, she decided to make a soylent green roast which smelled like a putrid, oozing duck, that was served at Rivendell thirtythree years ago, as Gollum ate something else entirely." Smeagol ate Deagol and then he burped very loudly
in his grandmother's face and then declared "You're next Preciouss".

When Esmeralda heard the unfortunate bit of bad news she decided to ask Bilbo to give her advice on Insurance Claims for poisoning customers.

...But the Precious...