[Morthoron]

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

To the person and/or persons dubiously titled 'Editor' and/or 'Editorial Staff':

It is rare that I appear on these pages as myself. I usually write op/ed pieces as some lunatic persona with a clever pseudonym lampooning a tabloid that in itself is a satire of any number of exploitative rags disregarding truth and ethics in the wacky world of the prurient press; however, your front-page blurb 'Phantom Criticized For Mithalwen Article' has gone beyond the pale (and beyond pale in a BD sense is quite ashen). To say that I have been misquoted is an understatement. Let's break down the statements you purport to be mine, as opposed to what I actually said:

First, you claim I said, "What he's doing is an insult to true journalism."

Yet, what I actually stated is as follows (with your out-of-context edits in bold, underlined print):

What an extraordinary article by The Phantom! He's offered a brief but poignant biography of Mithalwen, doing so in an unbiased and colorful manner. It is an undeniable treat to have read such an offering from a newspaper that usually stoops to insult and innuendo. I am gratified to heap honors upon Phantom, and the steps The Downer is making to become the epitome of true journalism.

And then to make matters worse, you claim I said, "A newspaper is supposed to be used for the purpose of reporting, not winking at your friends."

Again, my actual statement, which concerned my new puppy and had nothing to do with the article at all, is as follows (with your out-of-context edits in bold, underlined print):

In house-breaking a puppy, I find soiled newspaper (from the area within the house where the dog is supposed to be paper-trained) is excellent for the purpose of guiding the puppy to doing his duty out-of-doors (if anyone else is involved in training of the puppy, make sure he or she is reporting the progress of the pup -- consistency is important!). When the puppy is ready to advance from paper-training, just take the soiled newspaper outside to a specified area and place the puppy adjacent to the paper, and the scent usually does the rest. But be warned: house-breaking is a serious business, and should not be taken lightheartedly with much winking and nodding. Dogs, even immature puppies, look at your behavior and behave in lke manner. You must be a dog's master before you can be friends.

I find the inept and libelous methods with which you manage to warp the truth to be mind-bogglingly addled, and, truth to tell, utterly unnecessary, particularly since I insult your paper on a regular basis without any need for redaction, blue penciling, deletions, insertions, abridging, abbreviating or edits of any sort.

Sincerely,
Morthoron the Dark Elf
Nan Elmoth, Doriath