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Morthoron · 08-29-2008, 06:45 PM

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Dear Editor:

I find I must complain preemptively regarding the upcoming edition of your paper, as I am certain it will contain objectionable material of one sort or another (it always does); ergo, I feel it necessary to sit down while I have the time to list my grievances, because what should happen if, over the weekend, I am unable to protest in a timely manner? After all, I do have my laser hair removal session and the podiatrist's appointment for removal of unsightly toe-nail fungus. Therefore, please take the conjectural complaints listed heretofore in lieu of actual complaints based on as-of-yet unprinted material:

1. I don't like it.
2. That's ridiculous!
3. What, the Barrow Wight again?
4. Who writes this garbage?
5. The ravings of a lunatic!
6. What exactly are your journalistic credentials, I should like to know?
7. Whatever happened to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but...?
8. I don't like the Alien's shade of green. Use more chartreuse.
9. I've never seen such a piece of sycophantic, boot-licking lackeyism!
10. What contemptible nonsense!

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,
Ms. Sibyll Claire Voyant
Salem, Massachusetts

08-29-2008, 06:45 PM	#1139
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	LETTER TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor: I find I must complain preemptively regarding the upcoming edition of your paper, as I am certain it will contain objectionable material of one sort or another (it always does); ergo, I feel it necessary to sit down while I have the time to list my grievances, because what should happen if, over the weekend, I am unable to protest in a timely manner? After all, I do have my laser hair removal session and the podiatrist's appointment for removal of unsightly toe-nail fungus. Therefore, please take the conjectural complaints listed heretofore in lieu of actual complaints based on as-of-yet unprinted material: 1. I don't like it. 2. That's ridiculous! 3. What, the Barrow Wight again? 4. Who writes this garbage? 5. The ravings of a lunatic! 6. What exactly are your journalistic credentials, I should like to know? 7. Whatever happened to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but...? 8. I don't like the Alien's shade of green. Use more chartreuse. 9. I've never seen such a piece of sycophantic, boot-licking lackeyism! 10. What contemptible nonsense! Thank you in advance for your cooperation, Ms. Sibyll Claire Voyant Salem, Massachusetts __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.