Dear Sir Hamilton Beach-Bundt
Are you the fellow that has been stalking our janitor?
In answer to your letter, all I can say is that the government is supposedly doing all it can to have all kettles melted down. By next Thursday they plan to move on to other kitchen items. The Saucepan Man has reportedly skipped the country.
As far as we know, alatar escaped from jail and is currently heading to your house with a massive bat and a knife.
Keep Reading The Downer!
- Dave the Janitor
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