[The Saucepan Man]

*A terrible din and clamour is heard as the Saucepan Man takes to the stage, still arrayed with his pots and pans.*

It seems that the judges (or two of them at least) are too stuck in the past to recognise the future. Kitchen-based self-syncopation will be the next big thing to hit the music scene, you mark my words.

But I have taken the precuation of selecting a song which my pan-clattering accompaniment will suit. It is a traditional song of the Mark, first recorded by the Wold-pop band Bléor. And I shall sing it in the voice of Éomer, son of Éomund.

Feyness is a preference for the habitual rider of what is known as …
Marklife!
And Mordor’s troop can be avoided if you take a route straight through what is known as …
Marklife!
Uglúk's got a split group … they get intimidated by all the Eorlingas … they love a bit of it
Marklife!
Who's that Ent lord marching ... you should cut down on your barklife mate... try some hastiness
Marklife!

All the Riders!
Forth Eorlingas!
They all ride horse in hand
Horse in hand through their Marklife

Know what I mean

I roam where I want to except in Edoras where I get rudely accused by the Wormtongue
Marklife!
I put my helmet on, have a cup of mead and I think about leaving the Golden Hall
Marklife!
I heed the Wingfoot … I sometimes heed the Wizard too … it gives me a sense of ominous clouds gath’ring
Marklife!
And then we muster for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge there will always be a sword-day, a red day ‘ere the sun rises
Marklife!

All the Riders!
Forth Eorlingas!
They all ride horse in hand
Horse in hand through their Marklife

Marklife! Marklife!
Marklife! Marklife!

It's got nothing to do with your Khazâd Ai-Mènu you know
And it's not about you Elves who go on and on and on
Marklife! Marklife!

Spear shall be shaken!
Shield shall be splintered!
They all fight horse in hand
Horse in hand for their Marklife

All the Riders!
Forth Eorlingas!
They all ride horse in hand
Horse in hand through their Marklife

I thank you.