The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum - View Single Post - WWJ VIII ~ Things That Go "Quack" In The Night

Diamond18 · 05-05-2006, 11:59 AM

The villagers turned on Nogrod swiftly, and before he knew what hit him, he was knocked on the head and tied up. When he came to he found Saucepan Orc and Kath busy digging a hole.

“What are you doing?” he asked. “I’m not the Duck!”

“Maybe you became the Duck,” said Saucepan Orc. “We’re going to put you in this hole and then beat you with dumbbells until your ancestral memory of being a Duck returns.”

“Then we’re going to kill you,” said Kath cheerfully.

With that, they hoisted him up and plopped him in the hole. Then the beat him savagely with dumbbells and various sundry fitness equipment, verbally abusing him all the while, until his ancestral memory returned and he exclaimed weakly, “Friend! The password is ‘friend’!”

“That’s nice,” said his attackers, and Kath leveled a stunning death blow to his noggin.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” said Not-Cailín as he watched the body of Nogrod not-transform.

Kath smiled devilishly. “Funny, I feel quite good,” and she morphed into a large, fearsome duck with a gleaming bill and nasty, beady little eyes.

“You can’t take two of us!” exclaimed Not-Cailín, and turned to Saucepan Orc for support. To his horror, he saw not Saucepan Orc, but a large, smug looking Goose.

“Honk,” said Saucepan Goose.

Kath waddled up to Not-Cailín and quacked, “Now listen, you’re going to paint us a portrait, got that? And if you make it a nice one, maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you live. You would like that, wouldn’t you, little human?”

“Y-yes,” gulped Not-Cailín, and quickly assembled his painting supplies. He then worked as if his life depended on it... which it sort of did... and painted the most stunning and beautiful portrait that has ever been painted of a Goose and a Wereduck.

Quath and Saucepan Goose looked at it, and were well pleased. Not-Cailín breathed a sigh of relief. This was, tragically, his last breath of life, for Quath immediately dunked his head into a bucket of magenta paint and held him under until he expired.

She turned to Saucepan Goose. “My lady,” he honked, “I am at your service. Let me always be by your side! I am nothing more than a humble goose, not a noble Wereduck such as yourself. But if you say ‘no’ or kill me, my goosey heart shall break, for I would do anything for your duckishly delightful self!”

“Well aren’t you just the cutest goose that ever lived,” she quacked, tweaking his bill. And then they waddled off into the sunset together, heading in the direction of Wereduck pond. And this is what the Wereduck poets have written about their story:

Saucepan said to the Duck, “You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long have we tarried;
But what shall we do for a ring?”

(Non rhyming narrator interlude: well they now own the whole village, so finding a ring shouldn’t be hard, and anyway where do a Duck and Goose wear rings anyway? Don’t trouble yourself with such details, it ruins the poem.)

They dined on villagers, and slices of quince
Which they ate with a rucible spoon;
And wing in wing, on the edge of the pond
They danced by the light of the moon
The moon
The moon,
They danced by the light of the moon!

~~~~~~~~~

~ The Dead ~

Diamond Took, the Halfling Poet ~ Villager ~ Pecked to death on Night 1
Nilpaurion Felagund the Elven Pigeon-Summoning Ninja ~ Wereduck ~ Waxed on, waxed off on Day 1
Dancing Spawn of Ungoliant the Spider Loving Orcish Astronaut ~ Wereduck ~ Stuffed full of spiders and choked to death on Day 2
Elu Ancalime the Didgeridoo Dwarf ~ Villager ~ Struck by Mod Fire from above on Day 2
Lalaith the Halfling Chubb Fuddler ~ Nightingale ~ Boiled, mashed, and cooked in a stew on Night 3
Roa Aoife the Batwoman ~ Villager ~ Not dead, but rejoined her regiment on Day 3
Sleepy Ranger the Exiled Jedi Master ~ Villager ~ Not dead, but departed with a droid on Day 3
JennyHallu the Halfling Mountaintop Guru ~ Wereduck ~ Pitchforked to death on Day 3
Anguirel the Baritone Bird Catcher ~ Hawk ~ Gunned down with an M16 on Night 4
Glirdan the Entish Tree Herder ~ Owl ~ Consumed by flames from the Hawk’s cigarette lighter on Night 4
Lote22 the Elven Igloo Maker ~ Villager ~ Encased in a block of ice on Day 4
Mithalwen the Elven Saggar Maker's Bottom Knocker ~ Owl ~ Melted down and made into pottery glaze on Night 5
Mormegil the Elven Idleman ~ Villager ~ Worked to death on Day 5
Valier the Dwarven Millet Spray Picker ~ Villager ~ Sucked dry by giant vampire mosquitoes from the black swamp on Night 6
Nogrod the Dwarven Personal Fitness Instructor ~ Villager ~ Beaten to death with dumbbells and various sundry fitness equipment on Day 6
Cailín the Bird-portraitist ~ Villager ~ Drowned in a bucket of magenta paint on Day 6

~ The Living ~

Saucepan Man the Orcish Scarecrow ~ Goose
Kath the Rainbow Catcher ~ Wereduck

Result: Duck/Goose victory

05-05-2006, 11:59 AM	#557
Diamond18 Eidolon of a Took Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: my own private fantasy world Posts: 3,460	with apologies to Lewis Carroll The villagers turned on Nogrod swiftly, and before he knew what hit him, he was knocked on the head and tied up. When he came to he found Saucepan Orc and Kath busy digging a hole. “What are you doing?” he asked. “I’m not the Duck!” “Maybe you became the Duck,” said Saucepan Orc. “We’re going to put you in this hole and then beat you with dumbbells until your ancestral memory of being a Duck returns.” “Then we’re going to kill you,” said Kath cheerfully. With that, they hoisted him up and plopped him in the hole. Then the beat him savagely with dumbbells and various sundry fitness equipment, verbally abusing him all the while, until his ancestral memory returned and he exclaimed weakly, “Friend! The password is ‘friend’!” “That’s nice,” said his attackers, and Kath leveled a stunning death blow to his noggin. “I have a bad feeling about this,” said Not-Cailín as he watched the body of Nogrod not-transform. Kath smiled devilishly. “Funny, I feel quite good,” and she morphed into a large, fearsome duck with a gleaming bill and nasty, beady little eyes. “You can’t take two of us!” exclaimed Not-Cailín, and turned to Saucepan Orc for support. To his horror, he saw not Saucepan Orc, but a large, smug looking Goose. “Honk,” said Saucepan Goose. Kath waddled up to Not-Cailín and quacked, “Now listen, you’re going to paint us a portrait, got that? And if you make it a nice one, maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you live. You would like that, wouldn’t you, little human?” “Y-yes,” gulped Not-Cailín, and quickly assembled his painting supplies. He then worked as if his life depended on it... which it sort of did... and painted the most stunning and beautiful portrait that has ever been painted of a Goose and a Wereduck. Quath and Saucepan Goose looked at it, and were well pleased. Not-Cailín breathed a sigh of relief. This was, tragically, his last breath of life, for Quath immediately dunked his head into a bucket of magenta paint and held him under until he expired. She turned to Saucepan Goose. “My lady,” he honked, “I am at your service. Let me always be by your side! I am nothing more than a humble goose, not a noble Wereduck such as yourself. But if you say ‘no’ or kill me, my goosey heart shall break, for I would do anything for your duckishly delightful self!” “Well aren’t you just the cutest goose that ever lived,” she quacked, tweaking his bill. And then they waddled off into the sunset together, heading in the direction of Wereduck pond. And this is what the Wereduck poets have written about their story: Saucepan said to the Duck, “You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! too long have we tarried; But what shall we do for a ring?” (Non rhyming narrator interlude: well they now own the whole village, so finding a ring shouldn’t be hard, and anyway where do a Duck and Goose wear rings anyway? Don’t trouble yourself with such details, it ruins the poem.) They dined on villagers, and slices of quince Which they ate with a rucible spoon; And wing in wing, on the edge of the pond They danced by the light of the moon The moon The moon, They danced by the light of the moon! ~~~~~~~~~ ~ The Dead ~ Diamond Took, the Halfling Poet ~ Villager ~ Pecked to death on Night 1 Nilpaurion Felagund the Elven Pigeon-Summoning Ninja ~ Wereduck ~ Waxed on, waxed off on Day 1 Dancing Spawn of Ungoliant the Spider Loving Orcish Astronaut ~ Wereduck ~ Stuffed full of spiders and choked to death on Day 2 Elu Ancalime the Didgeridoo Dwarf ~ Villager ~ Struck by Mod Fire from above on Day 2 Lalaith the Halfling Chubb Fuddler ~ Nightingale ~ Boiled, mashed, and cooked in a stew on Night 3 Roa Aoife the Batwoman ~ Villager ~ Not dead, but rejoined her regiment on Day 3 Sleepy Ranger the Exiled Jedi Master ~ Villager ~ Not dead, but departed with a droid on Day 3 JennyHallu the Halfling Mountaintop Guru ~ Wereduck ~ Pitchforked to death on Day 3 Anguirel the Baritone Bird Catcher ~ Hawk ~ Gunned down with an M16 on Night 4 Glirdan the Entish Tree Herder ~ Owl ~ Consumed by flames from the Hawk’s cigarette lighter on Night 4 Lote22 the Elven Igloo Maker ~ Villager ~ Encased in a block of ice on Day 4 Mithalwen the Elven Saggar Maker's Bottom Knocker ~ Owl ~ Melted down and made into pottery glaze on Night 5 Mormegil the Elven Idleman ~ Villager ~ Worked to death on Day 5 Valier the Dwarven Millet Spray Picker ~ Villager ~ Sucked dry by giant vampire mosquitoes from the black swamp on Night 6 Nogrod the Dwarven Personal Fitness Instructor ~ Villager ~ Beaten to death with dumbbells and various sundry fitness equipment on Day 6 Cailín the Bird-portraitist ~ Villager ~ Drowned in a bucket of magenta paint on Day 6 ~ The Living ~ Saucepan Man the Orcish Scarecrow ~ Goose Kath the Rainbow Catcher ~ Wereduck Result: Duck/Goose victory __________________ All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.