Faramir:
The beast started climbing down the net, and a few meters above the Gondorians' heads it halted and let out a shriek:
"Don't just stand there, let's get to it, strike a pose, there's nothing to it. Vogue!"
During the last sentence, it leaped in the air and landed in a way that she, no doubt, considered to be a graceful pose.
"I take back what I said earlier", Denethor muttered glowering the spread-eagle spider. "
Now I've seen everything."
"It's going to eat us all alive", whimpered Faramir.
"Yo! Eat ya?" the arachnid piped up. "You gotta be kiddin'! You have- what, 15% fat? And da old man's even more" she wagged her hairy leg at Denethor. "Nah, I ain't gonna eat you. Yet" she added and winked three of her eight eyes impishly.
"It's this fur coat", Denethor whispered defensively to Faramir and Húrin. "Inside it I'm still firm and tough as young beech!"
"And as flammable, too", remarked Faramir.
"Let's dance!", the spider hissed.
"Right. Húrin!" Denethor said hurriedly. "Gather a group of guerillas and find out how we can get off of this dratted web. And Faramir, we'd better obey that morbid creature and keep it in a good mood until Húrin gets back."
"But... I can't dance!" Faramir cried anxiously.
"You can't?" Denethor frowned. "What do they teach in the army!"
"C'mon, shake it!" the arachnid bellowed, and its massive body trembled like jelly.
"If only my firstborn was here", sighed Denethor.
"Oh, you wish now that our places had been exchanged. That I had stayed at home and Boromir had joined the race instead!"
"Well, he's the Disco King, isn't he?"
"Yes, but-"
"And what are you, eh?"
"A polka prince", Faramir said and blushed.
"That's right, my son. But don't worry. As it happens, I can remember some moves from my youth. Now, pay attention and follow my lead."
And Denethor started spinning around and waving his arms as though he had been swimming. Then he started moonwalking around the stony yard. The spider blinked all her eyes and stared at Denethor and Faramir who tried to mimic his father as well as he could. She let out a little snort, but politely covered her mouth with her front legs.
"Wave your arms, son! Faster!" exclaimed Denethor.
"That's the chicken dance, dad" Faramir said in disbelief.
"So, you know the moves then", Denethor yelled back grinning wildly.
Soon the spider couldn't be bothered to hide her amusement, and it gargled and hiccoughed hysterically pointing at Denethor and Faramir. The gargling changed into outright guffawing and the whole web shook as the gigantic beast rolled around in spasms of laughter. She couldn't keep her grip of the web anymore and with a loud thud she fell on the ground. Far below Denethor and Faramir could hear hollow heehawing and they caught a sight of a mess of hairy legs wriggling towards the skies.
"It couldn't be that bad", Denethor said worriedly.
"I don't think it matters very much", panted Faramir. "Now it's our chance to escape! Where's Húrin?"