Denethor:
Axles buckling under the weight of the wheel, pedallers starting to drop from fatigue, and its walls battered from Porcupine attacks, the Houses of Healing barely made it back to Minas Tirith before the Porcupines caught them.
"Ioreth!" ordered Denethor. "Take Minya Squad, and get the House into the City. Beregond, I then want you and Minya Squad to man the trebuchets! Húrin, take Tatya Squad, and get to repairing that punctured tire, and get it back on the city! Faramir, Nelya Squad, you're with me. We fight off the Porcupines!"
MOOOOOOOOO!!!!! blared the Horn of Moronwë.
But the dread cow-horn no longer held any fear for the Porcupines, who were becoming ever more numerous as the van was joined by the main body of their host, and eventually by the rear stragglers.
"Where did the Porcupines get a van?" demanded Denethor.
"I think the narrator means the giant wheeled picnic table," replied Faramir, as he struck at a Porcupine.
The Porcupines' numbers were swelling, and the Gondorians were fatigued, and Denethor was beginning to fear that they would never escaped the dreaded quilled creatures, when suddenly a great stone troll fell out of the sky into the mass of the Porcupines, crushing several beneath its awesome weight.
"My hood ornament!" cried Denethor.
Soon, other statues came soaring down on the Porcupine horde. Their spirit broken, the Porcupines fled. Denethor turned to yell at Beregond, who had descended back to the gates, the trebuchet fire having been successful.
"What in blazes do you think you're doing, throwing these statues out of the city?" he demanded to know. "These are priceless works of art, some of them thousands of years old!'
"I am sorry, milord," said Beregond. "But we used up all of the random chunks of buildings and such in the Siege, and we had to use whatever came to hand. The statues weren't parts of buildings, and they were large and stone, so we used them."
"But... my troll!"
"I don't think it's damaged, Father," said Faramir, examining the troll. "In fact, I think they're all fine- except for that statue of Grandmother that used to be in the courtyard on the the north side of the Fourth Circle- it blew apart completely."
"The one with me as a dashing seven-year-old?" Denethor's eyes narrowed.
"We can commission a new statue..." Faramir began.
"Yes, the square is going to need a new one," said Denethor. "I think the Hero of Porcupine Ridge would be a suitable subject."
"Surely you don't mean Ioreth!" blurted out Faramir.
"Why in blazes would I mean Ioreth?" demanded Denethor. "I meant
me!"
"But you barely DID anything!" protested Faramir.
"Who's plan was it?" Denethor narrowed his eyes.
"I seem to remember Damrod and Mablung proposing most of it," said Faramir.
"I seem to recall them seconding everything I said," said Denethor.
"Are sure?" said Faramir. "I have the minutes here somewhere..."
"You can't trust those," said Denethor. "The secretary was suspect."
"But I was the secretary!" protested Faramir.
"Exactly!"
"Milords, I hate to interrupt," interrupted Húrin, "but we've repaired and reaffixed the tire. My men are preparing the engine as we speak."
"Order the rest of the men to bring the undamaged statues back into the city," said Denethor. "I will be in the Tower. We make
Due West, to pass the Misty Mountains by at Gundabad."