[Anguirel]

(A crowded train carriage. It is filled with Parents, Celebrities, Teachers, Maths Problems, Llamas, and Jack Russell Terriers. It is, to wit, an Assignment to Mordor.)

(We see Anguirel, armoured as usual, in the midst of the press. Closer up.)

ANGUIREL: For the Mordorient Express, this train is running suspiciously efficiently. No delays, no stops, no breakdowns...yet...

(Close up on the llamas. There's something slightly odd about them.)

(The Jack Russell Terriers chase the Teachers and Parents out of the carriage. Ominous music is heard. In fact, it's Britney Spears.)

CELEBRITIES: Ewww!

(They depart en masse. Their envy is positively rhythmical.)

(There really is something odd about those llamas.)

ANGUIREL: My, my...this carriage is certainly emptying quickly! You'd almost think they were about to cut the coupling to it and murder me, ha ha ha...

(The Maths problems sweep out. There is a crack and the carriage skids out...)

ANGUIREL: ...oh, right, they are.

(Pan-out. The carriage is falling off a vast suspension bridge over the Mountains of Mordor.)

(The llamas are falling about. They look really unworried. What is it that's peculiar about them? There are nine of them...)

ANGUIREL: Only one thing for it. Time for a stunt.

(He dives out of the window, twirls in a figure of eight, and lands unscathed on a convenient ridge. To his surprise, he sees that the llamas have done the same. Their convenient ridges are conveniently within convenient reach of his convenient ridge...even if you have splayed feet.)

ANGUIREL: Wait! You're not all llamas! One of you is a camel!

(Anguirel, the Secret Agent, draws Anguirel, the sword.)

LLAMAS AND CAMEL: Any last requests...mortal?

ANGUIREL: (Suavely, in one-liner mode) Yeah. Jump on this sword.

(An epic fight ensues. One by one, seven Llamas are sliced apart or knocked to their doom, emitting high-pitched screeches. Another Llama, wearing a spiky crown, kicks Anguirel hard.)

WITCH LLAMA: I bear a charmed life...

(Anguirel hacks it in half too, though it squeals "I'll be back." He swivels and points Anguirel at the Camel's throat.)

ANGUIREL: Who do you work for?

CAMEL: Haven't you guessed?

ANGUIREL: The Alliance of Ultra-Doom? The League of Extraordinary Barrow-Downers? Ohhhh...Sauron! Annatar! The Lord of the Gift Vouchers! Of course! Where is Amanda now, you fiend?

CAMEL: (cackling menacingly) At her parents' house.