[Anguirel]

Actually, it was an American ship...they didn't tell Hollywood that though...

--SAURON, ++ISILDUR

I don't have much to say against the poor chap, except that he is an elder son. And we all know that the youngest son is always superior.

Okay, it's transparent that I'm doing this with an Ulterior Motive in mind.

Now, what you've all been waiting for...


(We see Eregion. It is evening. Everywhere there is the sound of clinking of tiny hammers and cunning tools. As Agent Anguirel comes into view, walking down a busy highway, we see piles of rings everywhere, bejewelled and pretty.)

ANGUIREL: Apparently, the Elves are forging many rings.

CELEBRIMBOR: (appearing from side-street) That's right, sir! Would you like to view our fine half-price selection?

ANGUIREL: Well...

CELEBRIMBOR: Investing in ring bonds is very wise in the current business climate, sir. Annatar Consultants Limited recently published a report that defied all the expectations of our outdated political establishment! To that end we're striving to evict Celeborn from his stupid foresty palace.

ANGUIREL: Right. Well...ah...this Annatar chappy...Gil-Galad seemed to think he might be Sauron...?

CELEBRIMBOR: What an absurd idea! Frankly, sir, when you met the High King, did he seem very credible to you?

ANGUIREL: Well, no.

CELEBRIMBOR: Was he, in fact, sober?

ANGUIREL: Well, no.

CELEBRIMBOR: Look, I'll introduce you to Annatar. Charming chap...

(Cut to Annatar Consultants Limited Head Office.)

ANGUIREL: So, Mr. Annatar, you've explained your gift-giving strategies to shareholders but can you refute accusations of Orc sweatshop labour?

SAURON: Those allegations are nonsense! Surely my alliance with Gwaith-I-Mirdain Orc-Slayers PLC should disprove that rubbish.

ANGUIREL: Well, maybe. And did a Miss Amanda Bobblehead pass through this way?

SAURON: Yes, of course! I mean...wait...no. Miss Bobblehead never came near Eregion and has definitely not been kidnapped by the secret army of Orcs I don't have and taken to Mordor, which I don't own.

ANGUIREL: Right. Thanks for your help.

(Next episode: Anguirel heads to Mordor by the first Assignment Express.)