Announcer: Greetings sentients and welcome to the first day of the Second Age Survivor brought to you by Jack’s Rented Mules. Remember, when you need a rented mule, Jack’s got the…uhhh, something or other for you! I’m joined in the booth by my good friend and colleague Bob.
Color Commentator: Hello. (Gin and tonic please.)
Announcer: And down on the sidelines we have the lovely but agonizingly unattainable Amanda.
Sideline Reporter: Can it, creep!
Announcer: Isn’t she cute? Bob, what is your take on the action thus far?
Color Commentator: The bar doesn’t seem to be as well stocked here and the service is a bit slow. Oh, you meant in the game…well, it’s been a bit of a slow start. Sauron got an early vote followed by Glorfindel. Then the dwarfism that was so apparent in the last game reared its repetitive head combined with Glirdan sniveling pathetically about the number of dwarves in the last game (of course, he had absolutely nothing to do with the selection of the last field so he has every right to complain). Other than that, not much has happened. Well, the phantom has contributed a silly opinion that it is better to leave the big names for later. He is obviously not a connoisseur of the game or he would realize that it is much more fun to watch people get whipped up into a frenzy over irrelevant characters. It is my considered opinion we should get rid of the more famous characters first. This will generate fireworks from the beginning, stir up a lot of bad blood so that by the time the end comes around everyone will be attempting to gnaw each other’s legs off over a couple of characters who never spoke in the books. What great fun that will be!
Announcer: Splendid, just look at her thighs!
Color Commentator: What?
Sideline Reporter: POLICE!!!
Officer Walley: Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to take you down to the station.
Announcer: What for?
Officer Walley: For actions in flagrant violation of the Not on a Family Website Act of FA 600. Put down the chair and come along quietly and there won’t be any trouble.
Announcer: No! I have my behavioral privileges, same as other announcers. I’ll sue! You’ll be hearing from…
Officer Walley hits Announcer over the head with Mr. Billy Club
Officer Walley: I warned you.
Color Commentator: We’ll be right back after these brief commercial messages. (Where’s my gin and tonic?)
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...finding a path that cannot be found, walking a road that cannot be seen, climbing a ladder that was never placed, or reading a paragraph that has no...
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