[JennyHallu]

Sauce, before these sports fanatics scar you for life, I feel I must make clear to you the truth: American football is described as a thinking, strategic game -- just remember. Playing chess is a mental exercise. Watching a chess tournament, unless you're a chess player, is boring.

Offensive American football, unless you are yourself a player, is made up of four basic plays: throw the ball a long way, throw the ball a little way, try to run the ball up through the center of a bunch of men trying to knock you over, and finally, try to run the ball around the side of the bunch of men.

Defensive American football is much simpler. Find the gentleman carrying the ball and knock him over. The sooner you do this, the better. If you injure him and aren't caught, even better, because he's out of the way.

And the universal rule of football: The last five minutes will take longer than the whole of the rest of the last quarter.