[littlemanpoet]

"Wilhe-"

"I'm right here!"

Anakron looked down. There was a little circular garden sitting on a pedestal that had been there since the deliberations had begun. However, it was not a circular garden, but a very garish flowery hat; and the pedestal was not a pedestal at all, but Wilhelmina, looking up from beneath her hat! Mr. Swanky stuck out a wiggling nose and a pair of black coal eyes. Anakron's eyebrows rose while his face remained otherwise expressionless.

"Very well, Wilhelmina Brochenbach."

Wilhelmina grinned. "You said my name right!"

"I should hope so," he said without a smile, though his tone was kindly. "Are there any accusations?"

"I want my dog back!" cried a snippy voice from somewhere back in the crowd. A too thin, arrogant, and not very pretty young woman, wearing ridiculously expensive and too skimpy pink and accessorized clothing, came sauntering up in five inch pink heels and matching watchband.

"Oh. Garish Swilton."

The woman stamped her foot angrily. "Paris Hilton!"

"Ah." Anakron looked down at her through half closed lids.

She smiled coquettishly and batted her overly made up eyelashes. "I'm famous, you know."

Anakron rolled his eyes. "Get on with it."

She pouted, hands on accessorized hips, then pointed overly dramatically at Wilhelmina. "She stole my dog!"

"Your stupid dog," Wilhelmina corrected.

The spoiled snit made a face at Wilhelmina.

"You don't deserve a dog," Anakron declared, "no matter how stupid. Nor the wealth and fame. Get out of here."

The snit's jaw dropped. "I'll have me daddy sue you!"

"He's not here. Now get out of my sight. You are a taint on Mordor."

Her jaw dropped even farther. Hands on hips, she turned around, still staring at the speaker of such terrible news, then turned her head away dramatically.

"Best acting I've ever seen from you," Anakron drawled.

Her jaw hit the ground. Reaching down, she picked it up. While she was bent over, Wilhelmina landed a solid kick on the behind and sent her sprawling, the points of her heels askew.

"One extra point for Wilhelmina," Anakron announced. The crowd roared with laughter, and the young snit lost herself in the crowd.

"Now for Wilhelmina's points earned. For the Bliddy Unnergrind race, nine points; the road rage race, six points; for the celebrity hunt you are awarded nine points, one point deducted for lateness; for werewolf, nine points (you voted someone dead); for your physical and ensuing surgery, ten points; for your psychological evaluation, you achieved the disintegration of the obviously insane Sigmund Freud ... although that did not entirely establish your sanity, it was still worth seven points; and for your final exam-" Anakron's mouth slowly drew up in a grin "-which I personally found quite delightful, ten points. And now, for the final addition. As I said, you did receive an extra point just now for your most appropriately exacted punishment for atrocious behavior exhibited by one particular snitful idiot worth less than one tenth of a fangirl. On top of that, you receive twenty-five points for an although imperfect performance, you showed great resolve, creativity, and ingenuity (not to mention lots of clever writing), and got Mr. Swanky back from Queen Quon to pass your initially failed test - quite well done. Total, eighty-six points. You pass. You may leave Mordor and enter Ithilien."