[littlemanpoet]

"Alumine Umfoil!" Anakron cried.

Alli walked up, leaning on the left shoulder of just as tipsy Aimé, a dreamy and contented smile on her beaming face.

"You shaid it right!"

"But of course. Do you think I'm a dolt?

"I must inform you, Alli, that < ahem > being in love does not qualify as self-improvement, even though it certainly has improved your disposition, disregarding your current state of inebriation. Nevertheless..." A pained look came over Anakron's face. "I congratulate you on your newfound relationship. May it last as long as it should.

"That said, it is time to settle accounts." This sounded ominous. It was. Anakron raised his head and then his voice. "Complainants! Come forth! Stand on the Offending Person's right."

Alli frowned and looked around Aimé's shoulder. (He almost lost his balance from the sudden change in his equilibrium, and groaned from an oncoming alcolhol induced headache.) Walking toward the threesome were Orlando Bloom, Britney Spears, Feanor of the Peredhil, and Mario.

"Witnesses for the Defense, rise and come forth! Stand on the Offending Person's left."

Tom Felton came forward, followed by a host of fangirls, and Roggie taking up the rear.

Aimé said, "I think I ought to get on your other side." Alli nodded and switched sides with Aimé, so that he stood with Tom Felton and the other witnesses for what apparently was turning into her Defense. What had she done? It was true that she and Aimé had killed the werewolf Mario, but here he was now, alive and as menacing as ever! How could that be? Did everybody come back to life in Mordor? It was so unfair! At least they couldn't accuse her of killing somebody who was standing before them, so obviously alive.

"Just what the doubleyooteeyef is going on here, anyway?" Alli demanded.

"These individuals have complaints that must be answered before your fate may be determined," Anakron replied.

Alli's hands went to her hips. "But you never said anything about that! You laid down the rules and we abided by them (in general), and here all of a sudden you're holding us accountable for all kinds of things that should have been allowed!"

"Who says that they were ever allowed?" Anakron retorted. "Did you think that you could do any blessed thing you pleased, just because you were part of the Offending Party?"

"Wellllll..... yeah!"

"I'm sorry to hear that. You are very much mistaken."

Alli added quickly, "Well, maybe I didn't think I could do just anything."

Anakron raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

Now Alli was at a loss for words. The fact was, she had not even considered the consequences of her actions beyond making sure she passed the tests. She had lived very much in the moment, had done what seemed like needing to be done, and had skated, jumped, wiggled, crawled, stamped, and danced through the challenges, with only the thought of making it through. Well, also the thought of taking vengeance upon Mario for the sake of Hookbill, and listening to Illamatar.

"I had visions!" she cried desperately. "I had a spiritual experience! A change of ... heart...." The final word almost died on her lips.

"Tell me about this so-called change of heart, Alli," Anakron said quietly.

"I -- I -- " Alli was at a loss for words. In desperation she cried, "a change of heart wasn't in the original contract! Nobody said I had to have one!"

Anakron smirked. "That is true. You claimed to have had one, not I."

"Deeyayemen!" She looked at Aimé for help. He was looking at her with great concern, but helplessly. This seemed to be beyond his scope. At last she said, "Well, let's hear the complaints! We might as well get this overwith seeing as I'm probably not going to make it out of Mordor." Which, she considered, wouldn't be all bad, seeing as Aimé couldn't leave.

"Very well," said Anakron. "Orlando Bloom, say your complaint!"

"She took away my fangirls!" he yelled, pointing at Alli.

"Is that the entirety of your complaint, Mr. Bloom?"

"Yes!"

"Is there an answer?" Anakron asked.

"There is!" Tom Felton called, stepping forward. "It was I who took away his fangirls, not Alli. She merely set up the circumstances that brought it about!"

"Is his claim true, Mr. Bloom?"

Orlando Bloom glowered. "Yes, it is." He slumped.

"Your complaint is answered," Anakron said. "Off with you to Kirsten Dunst and New Jersey!" Anakron raised his staff, and Orlando Bloom disappeared.

"Britney Spears!" Anakron called. "Say your complaint!"

"She stole the show!" Britney whined. "I was on stage, recording my new CD, and she just barged in and took over! And then my stage got a big hole in it, which is her fault too!"

"Is there anybody to answer for this complaint?"

Roggie strode forward. "I am the one who made the hole," he said.

"Very well. Is there anyone to answer for stealing the complainants show?"

"I'll speak to that!" cried Feanor of the Peredhil from amongst the complainants.

"Will you?" Anakron queried. "That is odd, seeing as you have your own complaint."

"Even though I have my own complaint, this so-called singer's complaint is a fallacy!"

"On what grounds?"

"On the grounds that I'm the one who assigned her to Mordor!"

"Those are solid grounds. You may speak to the defense of Alli on this point."

Feanor of the Peredhil stood tall and announced, "She's just puke!" Britney gnashed her teeth at this, ready to strangle the Peredhil.

Anakron merely raised his brows. "How do you know this?"

"Easy. There's a test. A demonstration." Feanor of the Peredhil turned to Britney Spears and yelled, "The Only Real Estel!"

Suddenly, Britney Spears' jaw dropped and her eyes went wide with horror. She melted. And turned a sickening green-yellow, and stank of bile.

"Hmm...." murmured Anakron. "Apparently she is indeed!" He turned to Alli. "You are cleared of this complaint, since stealing the show from puke is only right. The next complainant, since she has already spoken, is Feanor of the Peredhil!"

Feanor pointed at Alli. "She voted for my death!"

"Is that the entirety of your complaint?"

"No. She's also me when I was younger and didn't know better, and that's just a horrible thought! She ought to stay in Mordor!"

"Is there anyone to answer this complaint?"

"I will!" Alli said. "First off, I only voted for her fair and square because it was part of the rules! And if I'm her at a younger age, then she's still the same person as me, and if I stay in Mordor, she should too!"

"And if she's not the same person as you, just older?" Anakron wondered aloud.

"Then her complaint's false in the first place!"

"Very good." Anakron turned to Feanor of the Peredhil. "You are answered."

Feanor of the Peredhil gave Alli a dirty look, but slowly it began to change to a smirk, then a grin, then a wink, leaving Alli very, very confused.

"Are there any more complaints?" Anakron asked.

"Yes!" It was Mario. "She killed me!"

"But you're alive, you fool," Anakron answered.

"That's only because of the Dweomer! It still hurt!"

"It is true that the deed was done, and that it was most certainly painful," Anakron acknowledged. "Is there anyone here to answer the complaint?"

Silence ensued. It lasted for two whole moments. Then it lasted for three more moments on top of that.

Finally, Anakron spoke. "Alli, it seems that there is no one who will answer this complaint. What have you to say for yourself?"

"He's an evil werewolf! He killed and maimed people! He hurt Hookbill!"

"Yes," commented Anakron, "and he's not the only werewolf to do so, oddly. Nevertheless, no-one gave you authority for bounty hunting or vigilanti-ism. What is your answer?"

Alli could think of nothing. But she had a question. "If his complaint stands, how does that affect my score?"

"Greatly, for it bears upon how you've handled yourself throughout all the tests."

Alli's head drooped. "I - I - I have no answer."

"I do!" came an oddly familiar voice from the back of the crowd.

"Come forward!" Anakron said.

Up walked a virtual duplicate of Alli. Anakron's lip slowly rose in a hint of a smile. "And who might you be?"

"The real Alli!"

"Is that so?"

"Yes!"

"Explain."

"I made her during the three day rest period between challenges two and three. She was bait, standing for me, while I achieved the challenges."

"This needs proof," Anakron said with a skeptical arch of his brow.

"Easy," she answered. "Surely you noticed that I inexplicably passed the final exam and psych eval, even though it seemed that I failed. It's because while she failed them, I went back and completed them successfully. I may have made her, but that doesn't mean she's as effective as me. She's a little unstable compared to me."

"Illamatar help us all!" blurted Feanor of the Peredhil.

"It must be admitted," Anakron said, "that your evidence is circumstantial."

"What in this Illamatar forsaken challenge is not?" the "new" Alli challenged.

Anakron smirked. "You have a point. Very well! The final complaint is answered. Go away, Mario."

Mario huffed and puffed away, and it is said that he went back to Dol Gaurgauroth and blew a couple houses down.

"Now for the scores. For your first test, Lúndún, you scored a nine; for the road rage trip, six points. For the celebrity hunt, ten points. For werewolf, your votes resulted in the deaths of two innocents, eight points. Your physical and surgery went seamlessly, ten points. Your psych eval netted nine points, which is higher than the original total I had been ready to award you due to the fact that your golem of sorts almost caused you a disaster; the same may be said for your final exam, which would have been lower than the nine points I am giving you. Now, regarding your gameship. You have proven yourself to be unstable and highly explosive, you have had dealings with the Mordorian underworld which raises ethical questions, and yet in spiete of all these negative aspects, you have been defended against all complaints, even murder. Therefore, you receive twenty points out of a possible thirty, and your final score is eighty. You pass. By the skin of your teeth (now go and brush them, ick).

"Finally, I have a sealed envelope for you, the contents of which I am not at liberty to divulge." Anakron handed her the envelope. "Your friend here, if I may so call him," Anakron indicated Aimé, has not achieved the goal that you have, and you must leave him behind, if you choose to leave Mordor. You are free to do so, but it is your choice. Do what you will! But do not answer me now. Wait until I have dealt with all of the members of the Offending Party and tell me then what you have decided."

to be continued...