[Encaitare]

Wilhelmina had never really thought of herself as being old. Sure, she was a bit deaf, and her joints sometimes ached when it rained, and she'd never say no to a senior citizen discount (given the othewise ridiculously high price of movie tickets), but on the whole she didn't feel old. Also, she didn't want to have to sit in a room full of dribbling, diaper-clad people while an oddly perky troll lectured them in an extremely loud voice. Unfortunately, that was just what was happening.

"You'll find your textbookz next to your chair!" the troll shouted at them. "They're in large print zo it'z eazy on your eyez!"

Wilhelmina looked down and picked up the tome, which shared the name of the course, Old Timers' Dizeaze and How to Cope. Opening the cover, she realized why it was so bulky: apparently, large print meant three words per page.

"In thiz clazz, we hope to help you underztand that aging is a natural part of life'z progrezzion," the teacher buzzed. "And although you may feel that your body iz betraying you in itz old age, there are plenty of wayz to think young! And what are theze wayz, you want to know? Let me tell you!"

Wilhelmina sighed and wondered if she should start taking a tally of every swapped Z and S that came out of the troll's mouth.

"One method iz to do zilly thingz juzt for fun. Finger paint! Blow bubblez! Yez, you in the big hat!"

She lowered her hand. "Do we have to think quite that young? I think most of us would prefer 25 rather than 5."

A few of her classmates nodded in agreement.

"When I was twenty-five I had legs to die for," one of the old women said listlessly. "I had a sailor beau and everyone said I should go into pictures..."

"That'z nice," boomed the troll. "But we have to live for the now! You muzt realise that dwelling on the pazt only makez you age fazter! Any queztionz, clazz?"

"If your incessant shouting makes me go deafer, can I sue?" asked Wilhelmina just for the sake of being annoying. (She sometimes had these nasty streaks when she was irritated.)

The teacher grew pale at the thought of a lawsuit, as Mordor was full of lawyers who were only too eager to press charges for the most asinine things. "Well, I think we've done plenty for today! Pleaze have Chapter One of your bookz read for next clazz!"

Wilhelmina scooped up the enormous book and left the room in triumph.