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Originally Posted by Kuruharan
To: The Pretentious Peasant styling himself Formendacil
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His Royal Majesty, King of Gondor and Arnor, Heir of Elendil, Overlord of the Northern Hemisphere, the High King Formendacil Telcontar deigns to reply to his conquered vassal.
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His Majesty the Emperor has commanded me, His Imperial Majesty’s humble avatar bearer and lowly governor of this flyspeck of an island, to communicate to you a few pertinent points.
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To which HRM Formendacil Telcontar will reply, as follows:
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A) Your manner is unfit for communicating with His Imperial Majesty, it in fact being something of a capital offense.
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His Royal Majesty is in agreement here, and notes that the conquered vassal should, in the future, be replied to in monosyllabic sentences, so that he will be able to comprehend what His Royal Majesty is saying.
To put it bluntly:
"I'll try to use smaller words from now on."
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B) His Imperial Majesty somehow failed to notice your alleged troops knocking about His Imperial Majesty’s dominions any time in the past few centuries. Seeing as how His Imperial Majesty would miss nothing of the sort, His Imperial Majesty thinks that this is nothing more than a whole lot of arrogant bluster. (And it is “sufferance”, not “suffrage.” Unless you are pretending to bestow the right to vote.  )
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His Royal Majesty is amused to note that the alleged Empire of the self-styled "Imperial Majesty" has, in fact, been gone for more than couple centuries, and is known in it's current form as "the People's Republic of China".
And, regarding suffrage/sufferance: perhaps His Royal Majesty mean that he willing suffers by allowing certain vassals to survive and insult him, such is his generousness to his conquered subjects.
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C) His Imperial Majesty’s real empire was larger than the fictitious one that could ever be imputed to this barbarian land known as “Gondor.”
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His Royal Majesty notes that by the conquest of the Ming Empire, Gondor added its possessions to its own, and thus is clearly larger than the former nation known as the Ming Empire.
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D) His Imperial Majesty is not particularly bothered that His Imperial Majesty literally rose from peasant straight to emperor. It means that His Imperial Majesty gained all from his accomplishments and did not gain it from a bunch of stuck-up useless slackers who had everything handed to them on a silver platter.
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His Royal Majesty notes that this is the sort of reply that an untitled pretender would make, and asks that he refer to the platter in question as
mithril in the future.
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E) His Imperial Majesty seriously doubts that you even possess a proper style and title or could present it fittingly.
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Considering that "His Imperial Majesty" is an untitled peasant, he really shouldn't be talking about being able to present a proper title.
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F) His Imperial Majesty is pleased to point out that His Imperial Majesty’s portrait makes a really spiffy avatar. His Imperial Majesty doubts that you even possess a portrait in your supposed regal regalia. And even if you did it wouldn’t make a really spiffy avatar.
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His Royal Majesty would reminded the self-styled emperor that the regalia of the King of Gondor is, in fact, one of the icons of this website, a claim which the "Ming Emperor" cannot dispute.
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G) His Imperial Majesty created some pretty potent alliteration based on the letter “p” earlier in this message.
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His Royal Majesty notes that alliteration is hardly a defense of the self-styled emperor's pretensions to power.