[Oddwen]

Elfearz! Gosh, it's been a while, hasn't it?

o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o_o <(Looks like a whole row of shocked faces, doesn't it?)

Scene: Somewhere on the Secret Stairs, the hobbits and Gollum are resting. Sam is trying not to doze off, but seeing his two companions sleep, he finally succumbs.

Sam: SNXXXXXXX....

Gollum*muttering*: Finali3z, precious! Thought he would never...

Sam: SNXXXXXXX....

*Gollum sneaks into Sam's pack, fishing out SNXXXXXXXXX the lembas with an insincere touch. He then SNXXXXXXXXXgingerly breaks off a few crumbs, and sprinkles them on Sam's cloak SNXXXXXXXXX and greedy face. HeSNXXXXXXXXX then tosses the rest off the stairs*

Sam: SNXXXX...XXX....XX...*tosses and turns*...xXXxxxx...*rolls over the edge* AIIIIIIIIiiiiii....

*He then appears back on the ledge with a confused and terrified look on his face*

Sam: Hoo boy, what a dream! Boy, do I miss Rosie...hey, you Gollum! What're you doing, sneaking off?

Smeagol: Yes.

Sam: I'm sorry, you just...hey, what?

Gollum: Just kidding, precious. We weren't sneaking.

Smeagol: Yes we were.

Gollum: Shut up.

Smeagol: Uhh...we weren't sneaking. At all. Not one bit.

Gollum: But we're still offended.

Sam: Alright then, what were you doing?

Smeagol: Sneaking.

Gollum: Shut up!

Sam: *headledge* Fine, I'll leave you two alone. Mr. Frodo, wake up! We've got to get moving before I push a certain sneak over the cliff.

Fro: Mumblemumble still darkout fivemoreminnits...

Sam: Okay, then.

*five minutes later*

Sam: Mr. Frodo, it's been five minutes.

Fro: *whack*

*five minutes later*

Sam: Mr. Frodo, it's been five minutes.

Fro: *whack*

*five minutes later*

Sam: Mr. Frodo, I'm afraid I must insist that we get going.

Fro: I'M UP! Where's the food?!?

Sam: Now you're talking! *rummages around in his pack* Uhh...now we're talking... *rustlerummage* Uh-oh. It's not here.

Fro: WHAT? I mean, what? It's all we have left! How will we survive without the heartening effects of the elven bread, which would have given us strength as we relied more and more on it alone?

Sam: I don't think anybody knows that!

PJ: *snickers*

Gollum: *snickers*

Sam: HE took it! It was the Sneak, in My Backpack, with the Food!

Gollum: Meeeeeeeeee? No, it wasn't meeeeeee, precious, I don't like the stuff!

Sam: But...

Fro: He doesn't like it.

Sam: But...

Gollum: We can't stand the taste of it.

Sam: But...

Fro: He retches whenever he catches a whiff of it.

Sam: But...

Gollum: We breakes out in hiveses if I touch it, precious.

Sam: But...

Fro: He had a heart attack last time he tried to eat it, and we had to give him CPR, remember?

Sam: But...

Gollum: What's this, on his jacketses? It looks like crumbses, that's what it looks like!

Sam: So I'm a sloppy eater...wait a minute, I haven't eaten in...YOU LYING SNEAK!

*Attack of the Sam! It's ferocious, and Frodo tries to stop it by slapping them both, but suddenly he falls down in a dead faint*

Sam: Oh Mr. Frodo, I'm sorry! I didn't mean...I was just so angry...haven't eaten in days notthatit'syourfault...here, let me help...

Fro: No Sam, it's not that...I think I just saw Gandalf the Grey...UNCLOAKED!

DUN DUN DUN!!! *Random Downer prepares his neg-rep!*

Sam*muttering*: Oh for the love of...

Gollum: Where?!?

Sam: Mr. Frodo, you're hallucinating. It's that Gollum, and all the undue stress, and it's the Ring too.

Fro's eyes: *widen*

Sam: I could help, you know. Carry it for you. Shaaaaaaare the loooooooad...

Fro's eyes: 0_o

Sam*in slo-mo, surround sound, and some sick reverb*: Share the looooooad, shaaaaare the load, share the loooooad, shaaare the looooad shaaaare the loooooaaad, shaaaaare the looooad share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the load share the loooooooooooooooooooooad

*the echoes die away into silence*

Fro: O_O ... ... ......... ... .... .. . .... ...That was cool.

Sam: What?

Fro: I mean, get away from me!!

Gollum: Sees, do you sees? He wants it for himself! And then he'll UNCLOAK!

Fro*gasp*: No! Never!

Random Downer: Aww man, too bad you can't neg rep a post twice...

Sam: But he's poisoning you against me!

Fro: You can't help me anymore, Sam.

Sam: But I can! Look, I...I'm cheerful, I can lift things, I can carry things, I can carry you and It too! I'll do a puppet show every night! I'll write poetry! I'll dress like a girl! I'll do anything you want!

Fro: Go...

Sam: You can hit me if you want!

Fro: ...Home, Sam.

Sam: WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*And as Sam throws himself sobbing onto the ground, Frodo takes Gollum's hand and continues up the stairs.*

Gollum: Pbblllblbbtttt!!

O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O

Meh. The proper environment for writing these is about two a.m.

Annnnnd, the next scene would be the one elfearz has claimed.