[Hookbill the Goomba]

The injury to Alli's leg wasn't that serious, really. But that didn't stop Hookbill from making a fuss about it. "So, we'll have to amputate?" he asked nervously. When an Orc picked up a rusty saw, Hookbill shrieked and hid under a table, but the nurse picked him up and told him that that wouldn't be necessary.

"Okay then," said Hookbill at last, "Then we'll have to remove it... via the... liver?" the Orcs nodded and grinned; one lifted a saw and made the first incision. Hookbill squeaked and pushed the Orc out of the way before he did too much damage. He wiped his brow and picked up some random instruments. However, as he did, he knocked over a mysterious bottle with a label on it that resembled skeletal thumbs up. No one actually knew what it did, but as it poured out, they saw that it was grey in colour, although it had orange spots. Hookbill fell over backwards as it dripped into he open wound. There was sent a huge shudder through her and the crab's claw flew out and broke a window.

Mardil stood near the exit trying to see if he could get past the Orcs, when he found that they would not budge for love or money, he gave up and sat down. When the Crab's claw flew past towards the window, he leaped to his feet and looked in astonishment. How in the world had this silly little man achieved this? It made absolutely no sense.

A huge uruk came and placed a heavy hand on Hookbill's shoulder. He turned to look into the horrid face of an accountant Uruk. He held up a piece of paper and a quill.

"Sign this," insisted the uruk,

"Why?" asked Hookbill, shakily, "What is it?"

"A death warrant."

"For whome?" cried Hookbill trying to sink to the ground, but being picked up by the Uruk.

"Oh, some guy named" he placed some small glasses on, "El-ess-arr."

"Why don't you get someone more senior to do this?" inquired Hookbill.

"Well," explained the Uruk thrusting the paper into the small man's hands, "you are the senior doctor. It says so on your badge." Hookbill looked and saw that the badge bore the name "Sinyore Ductor" the previous owner of the coat. He sighed and said he would do it later.

"Look," said the uruk, "I need this signing soon! Get it done."

"Okay," cried Hookbill, "I'll try, but I'm a little busy!" the uruk stormed off. The Uruk pushed Hookbill to the floor as it passed

Hookbill stood up and went to where Mardil was sitting with a look of pure shock on his face. "Look doctor," he said, "it seems you know what your doing, so get on with it."

"That’s the thing," mumbled Hookbill, "I have no idea of what I am doing. Its just coincidence that what I diagnose seems to come true. I'm not going to push my luck." Mardil shrugged and let him get on with it. Hookbill took a stethoscope and with a quivering hand examined Mardil's head, chest and back. Then the little man picked up a clipboard and took a quill. "Any history of insanity in the family?" he asked.

"I think my grand-father has psychodelia once," chuckled Mardil.

"I always thought that was a cook book for mental patients." said Hookbill, cocking his head to one side, "Oh well... Do you have back problems?"

"Yeah, it keeps trying to kill me."

"I see,"

"I was only-"

"Any occasions where you've found you can't think of anything to say?"

"Erm..."

"I see." Hookbill wrote frantically and illegibly. Mardil grew wrathful and picked up the little man by the throat.

"Look here," he said, "I am not insane, I have not got a killer back and I can always think of something to say... No I am not in denial!" He threw the little man towards a window, which smashed as he flew through it.

Hookbill looked up at the trees that hung over the cliff edge, he watched as they slowly got smaller and further away. Why they had built the university hospital so close to a cliff was beyond Hookbill, but this was Mordor. The wind grew faster as it flew past his ears and the faint sounds of Mardil being arrested fluttered into the distance. How was he supposed to do the final diagnosis now? The rocks were getting darker now, and the light was further away.

Finally, everything stopped.