[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Now, to convince the SPM that someone else is worthy of his wrath....

Sorry. Not convinced.

This being the Barrow-Downs, everybody ought to want to get him off just for that reason. In fact, he ought to have been deleted out of the game by an all-powerful Admin for that very reason. Do we not have "don't feed the troll" notices up on this board?

Well, apart from the fact that Bert is a Stone Troll and not a Net Troll, Trolls on the Downs can sometimes be quite fun. They liven the place up, get everyone talking and (despite the warnings not to feed them) inevitably suffer some humorous baiting. Moreover, just as good requires evil to reveal it's true nature, Trolls on the Downs show us how not to behave and also make us feel better about ourselves since we can observe how good our behaviour is by comparison.

Bert and his companions fulfil much the same role on the Island.

[Disclaimer: This should not be taken as encouragement to feed the Net Trolls when they do turn up.]

Who can explain the presence of that accent and a name like "Bert" within the Legendarium that is Middle-Earth.

Simple. It's a translation of his Trollish name. Which is Bertram. And, as we all know from the films, cockney was a dialect extensively spoken in Middle-earth by creatures of darkness ...

A cannibal with an appetite for just about every type of creature remaining on the board: hobbits, dwarves, elves, men, mutton.

Shame on you! It's his natural diet. Do we persecute cats and dogs for eating bits of diced up lamb and rabbit? And, strictly speaking, it is not cannibalism, as he is of a different species.

And since when has anybody watching the Middle-earth Survivor franchise ever been squeamish about picking on Hobbits, Dwarves and Men? (Elves, other than Arwen and Legolas, appear for some inexplicable reason to represent a special exception.)

Finally, I have to ask you why you even bother permitting a stone statue to take place in this game.

Actually, he has been managing so far to keep out of the sunlight, so he's solidified (and tanned) only moderately so far. Besides, should he be caught out in the sun, he will provide a rather decorative feature which will serve the dual purpose of providing an excellent blade-sharpener for machetes, fish-gutting knives etc.

Besides, Bill and Tom will pine for him if he is evicted.