[the phantom]

As Sai exited her car, Mardil came jogging up out of the fog. "Glad you could make it, Sai. Did you see..." Just then Mardil noticed the damage to Sai's car. "Well, my car has a leaky gas tank, but mine came that way. Yours- I don't remember it looking like that. Did you have a bit of trouble getting here?"

"I told you, I'm not a very experienced driver," said Sai. As she spoke, Mardil's TV crew came up behind him. "So, you didn't lose them?" asked Sai.

"We aren't supposed to lose them. If we purposefully lose them for long without their permission, they can appeal to Anakron to have one of our points removed. For your sake, I hope you didn't completely lose your crew, Sai." But Sai had not lost them. They pulled up behind her car as Mardil finished speaking.

Mardil stood thinking while Sai's crew got out of their van. "That damage on your car- did the cameras catch it?"

"I'm pretty sure they did. It was mostly in the parking lot where we started," said Sai.

"Good, good," said Mardil, nodding his head. "Hold on one second. I want to check your car's mileage." Mardil opened the door and peeked in quickly. "Very good. Now, let's get indoors out of this cold fog."

"Into this used car dealership?" asked Sai.

"Yes," said Mardil.

As soon as they entered, an overweight man who reeked of cigarette smoke greeted them. "Hello! Hello, my friends, and welcome to Big Neil’s Steal a Deal, where you can find the best deals on cars of all makes and models. We have-"

"Cut the spiel and let's deal, Neil," interrupted Mardil.

"Of course! Of course! Come on into my office, and we'll get started right away."

"Go on in and wait for me. I'll only be a minute," Mardil told the dealer. Mardil turned to Sai and whispered in her ear, "I'm going to get us a better vehicle."

"How?" she asked.

"I'm going to sell both of ours, and one of the TV crew's vans."

"Hey, you guyth," said Roger, the leader of the crew assigned to Mardil. "We can't heaw what you thayin', tho could you thpeak a wittle wouduh?"

"Leave us alone for two seconds, will you?" said Mardil. "After this, Sai is going to sit down and tell you her life story."

"But, I don't want-" said Sai, but Mardil continued.

"If you're going to follow us during our escape, you'll want to do a focus episode on each of us. Let today be your day to get the story behind Sai. She'll talk to you about her life while I talk to this salesman. And, seeing as my dealings won't be very interesting, this is a perfect time to focus on Sai. That sounds good, doesn't it?"

"Yeth, yeth- I think my both ith gonna wike that. Okay, cwew- evewybody thet up ovuh deh fo' da intevoo. Evewyone 'thept you," he said, pointing at a geeky looking orc with large glasses and pants pulled up to his belly button. "You thtay with Mawdiw."

While Roger was giving his orders, Mardil and Sai continued their conversation, each with a hand covering the microphones that were hanging down on their chests.

Sai spoke first. "How are you going to sell one of the vans?"

"I snatched the key out of the driver's pocket before you got here. Just don't tell anyone. Anyway, once I sell the vehicles, we'll have more than enough money to buy us something much better."

"Okay, that sounds good, I guess. Are you going to buy it here?"

"No, no. I'm going to buy a new one from down the street. But don't worry- it won't take me long. Just keep the crew with you. I'll get rid of my guy long enough to make a deal for the van, and then he can come with me to get our new vehicle. I'll be back with something good within thirty minutes." With that, Mardil turned and made his way towards Neil’s office with the geeky looking camera-orc in tow.

Neil welcomed Mardil into his office and sat down behind his desk. "Now then, you said you're feelin' like dealin'?"

"That is correct, I- oh, I completely forgot to get the keys to my Cruiser! They're out in the car. What's your name, orc?"

"Orckel, thir. Thteven Orckel," replied the nerdy orc.

"Orckel, I want you to go get my keys and bring them back. I can't remember where I left them- someplace in the vicinity of the front seat, I'm sure. I have to have the keys to hand over to this gentleman if I expect to sell him the car. Hurry up and get them for me!"

Orckel looked a bit unsure, so Mardil added, "I promise nothing interesting will happen in here while you are gone."

That was enough to convince the orc, and soon he and his camera were out the door. Mardil shut it behind him.

"Now that I've gotten rid of him, let's do some business," said Mardil, who was successfully shielding his microphone from sound as he spoke.

"What've you got?" asked Neil.

"I've got two PTCs, GT. A brand new one goes for just over 24,000 trolls. The ones I have aren't brand new, but they aren't too used either. They are both one year old and have ten thousand miles on them. The tires aren't the best, but they each have ten spares."

"Ten spares?!"

"Yes, so I think that makes up for the baldness. Now, one of them is a bit beat up, but it happened on the way here, so it may actually be more valuable that way."

"I'm not sure I follow you on that," said Neil.

"Well," said Mardil, "You know who we are, don't you?"

"Well, sure, everyone knows. You two are a couple of the escapees. I've been watching the coverage on television," answered Neil.

"Yes, and don't you think you could get more money for a vehicle that was driven by an escapee? I mean, you know this show is only going to get bigger and bigger. We'll be some of the biggest celebrities ever in Mordor."

"Well, yes, that is true- but how does that make the damage any better?"

"Don't you see?" said Mardil. "The damage adds some... how would you say it... color to the car. That damage actually happened on camera, and so the buyer will be able to show people the dents on the car and then show the clip of the show in which that dent was received. It really gives the car character."

"I suppose," admitted Neil.

"So anyway," continued Mardil, "What we have here is two cars that are only slightly used and have been driven by celebrities. You shouldn't have any trouble at all getting more than original price for these."

"Okay, so what are you wanting to sell them for?" asked Neil, getting straight to the point.

"Less than original price," answered Mardil. "Twenty-thousand trolls." Neil leaned back and stroked his chin. "And I'm in a hurry, Neil, so I'm not going to barter. Twenty-thousand is my price, and if you turn me down then I will go elsewhere, and someone else can have the distinction of owning a PTC that was featured in Escape From Mordor."

"Well, all right then, I'll take them both!" said Neil. He pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked a safe behind the desk. Mardil watched him as he counted out 2,000 double dragons, but before he put the money back in the safe, Mardil piped up.

"How much for one of those vans out there? You can see they aren't very old, they have lots of equipment in them, and they helped to cover Escape From Mordor. How much would you give me for one?"

"Well," said Neil, "I suppose I could give you 15,000 trolls."

"Done!" said Mardil, flipping Neil the key to the van, as well as both of the keys to the Cruisers.

"I thought you sent that orc to find your key," said Neil as he counted out another 750 double dragons.

"I did," said Mardil with a chuckle. "Now, would you be kind enough to send some of your employees out and have them take that van someplace out of sight, and don't let anyone know you have it for a couple months?"

"I guess I could, but why?"

"Just do it as a favor to me. I've just given your dealership some business and some nice publicity, so you can do a favor for me, can't you?"

Neil grinned and winked at Mardil. "Of course I can do you a favor," he said, handing Mardil two very think stacks of double dragons, amounting to 55,000 trolls. Mardil checked them to make sure they weren't fakes (having grown up around lots of money, he could tell quite easily). But the money was legit, so he proceeded to find several different places to stick the money.

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"Tho, why awe we goin' hewe?" asked Orckel as he and Mardil walked in the door of a car dealership. "We alweady have cawth."

"No we don't. I sold our cars, and now I'm going to buy a new one," said Mardil.

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Ten minutes later, Mardil drove away behind the wheel of a Ford Explorer. As he drove, he thanked whoever it was who had assigned large vehicles to Mordor. Though the Explorer XLT usually went for around 28 or 29,000 orcs, Mardil convinced the dealer to let it go for 20,000 in exchange for allowing them to place a large bumper sticker on the vehicle advertising their dealership. They knew it would be seen by millions of television watchers and so was worth the price knock-off. They also threw in four spare tires, though they probably would not be needed as the dealership had, at Mardil's request, stuck their super tough Mordor-grade tires onto the SUV.

When Mardil arrived back at Neil’s Steal a Deal, he blew his horn until Sai and the tv crew emerged. After Sai was inside the vehicle, Mardil leaned over and whispered to her everything he had done. Sai was extremely pleased to learn that they had a better vehicle and were also 35,000 trolls richer.

Meanwhile, the tv crew was busy scanning the street for their van. Mardil rolled down his window. "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I can't wait for you. I need to get on the road. I guess you'll all have to get into the van Sai's crew drove."

"But one of uth needth to wide with you guyth," said Roger.

"Don't be silly- we already have Orckel, and one camera-orc is quite enough." Mardil rolled his window up and turned to Sai. "Okay, first we'll stop by the starting point and I'll pick up my cloak. Then, we'll grab something quick to eat, and then- we're off to Mount Doom!"

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There was a knock at the Grand Anakronist's door. "Who is it?" he asked.

"Lûgnût, sir!"

"You may enter."

"Grand Anakronist," said Lûgnût as he entered, "Mardil and Sai just passed by the start point. It seems they sold their vehicles and bought a different one."

"Hmm, yes, I know. Very smart- very smart, indeed."

"Mardil threw this little bag at me when he drove past," said Lûgnût, tossing a small brown leather bag onto Anakron's desk. It landed with a heavy clinking sound. Attached to it was a note that read- To The Grand Anakronist- a small token of thanks for your help and advice.

Anakron opened the bag. Inside he found 5,000 trolls.

"Now there's a good noble man, no doubt about it," said Lûgnût.