I think we are missing what Kuru is actually saying. He, if I understand it correctly, is not saying that the dead of the team that wins are not winners themselves but that it is the ultimate responsibility of those who remain to win the game. Past sacrifices however noble of nefarious are not any worth unless the remainder of the team is victorious. Therefore, again, it is up to the living to win and past events while helpful do not ultimately win the game, the decision of the remaining does.
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“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
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