Hello Parmawen,
Tolkien's letters can be found in The Letters of J R R Tolkien, edited by Humphrey Carpenter, 1995. It is easily available as a HarperCollins paperback. The collection is not complete, but for now it is the best we have.
Other information about Tolkien's writings, drafts, the way his ideas changed as he rewrote his mythology can be found in the 12 volume collection History of Middle-Earth by Christopher Tolkien. There is also interesting stuff in Unfinished Tales, published under J R R Tolkien's name and edited by Christopher Tolkien. All available as HarperCollins paperbacks. I would think that most libraries carry at least the History of Middle-earth, as mine does.
So, dig in! In answer to the specific question about elven marriage practices, I bet Helen, aka Mark12_30 or Child of the 7th Age could give you the exact quote, line by line. Or piosenniel or Mithadan. It was a contentious issue in one of their RPGs about the Lonely Star.
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