[the guy who be short]

Actually, Sam did go, after the death of Rosie, it's in the appendices.

Ah, but you didn't read the question properly! Undrying Lands, said I.

In any case, Bilbo got there first.

Sam certainly wasn't a Halfwit

This is in the Appendices too. Sam is apparently Old English for Half, thus Half-wise.

He can't even think of a respectable riddle. I mean what kind of question is "what have I got in my pockets?"?

He's inventive and innovative.

Then he lies to Gandalf.

Everybody lies to Gandalf, poor sod.

oh ya a thief too.

Professional burglar, if you please!

Now that the defence is sorted, the attack may begin.

Samwise is detestable. He symbolises hypocrisy in its strongest form. He rises from a peasant class family to become a member of the nobility. And then what does he do for the peasantly? Nothing! *spits*

And obsessed with cooking like he is... you can't trust hobbits with such bad cuisine.