[Lush]

'Took the hand' implies it was a first time.

Or it implies that he took her hand. Ok, no, seriously, I just don't get it; because first we see Elrond harping on about "no troth" until you prove yourself boy! Then he goes and proves himself, and Arwen and he do end up engaged and "wander" together in Lorien and stuff like that. The whole "troubled times, times of war, times of wandering" situation is what seemed like the grey area to me in all of this. I've really never seriously speculated about it though, because it seemed like a giant waste of time and didn't add or take away from my enjoyment of the books (what did take away from it was the fact that Arwen was such a bit player; perhaps me seeing something in her relationship with Aragorn prior to the official ceremony implies a subconscious interpretation and consequent rejection of the image of Arwen as trophy...Hello, Dr. Freud).

You failed to include the vital first phrase "going on the silmarillion text" by which I meant if you did not know HoME and so the laws and customs of the Eldar it is easy to read certain phrases as evidence that they had consummated their relationship before marriage. Obviously if you know the "law" the consummation would have been the marriage.....

The part of HoME that I find not entirely clear on the subject is the last bit, that Heren provided: "It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete. In happy days and times of peace it was held ungracious and contemptuous of kin to forgo the ceremonies, but it was at all times lawful for any of theEldar, both being unwed, to marry thus of free consent one to another without ceremony or witness (save blessings exchanged and the naming of the Name); and the union so joined was alike indissoluble. In days of old, in times of trouble, in flight and exile and wandering, such marriages were often made. [Thus Beren and Tinuviel could lawfully have wedded, but for Beren's oath to Thingol.]"

What has always confused me is the fact that on one side, you have all of this romantic stuff going on between Beren & Luthien, and then all the tension and anger and oath-taking when the parents get wind of it. It's almost as if Tolkien contradicts himself, because a private commitment seems to have been made before Beren took that oath. HoME & the Sil do play off each other in interesting ways; though it seems that on this board, people tend to take the Sil less seriously (which disappoints me, because I find it to be infinitely more readable). Part of the reason I started the thread on Luthien & Beren way back in the day was because of all the conflicting reports you get on this stuff, and nevermind the fact that we all tend to through in a little bit of our worldview in while we're at it.

. Okay, so we allow that they've experienced physical intimacy, but do they have to act like a mortal man and woman not of high/royal lineage?

Well, technically Aragorn is mortal. And Arwen is about to follow suit (or she already may have, except for that silly "boat to Valinor" episode that completely breaks the flow).

and Aragorn acts (to me) like he's in some dorm room with some woman he's been sharing space with for a few semesters - nothing to spectacular going on here, and this is just another day.

Hey, hey, don't knock the dorm room, man. Serious commitments and great dramas erupt there. No, what I really mean is, I actually enjoyed the idea of seeing Aragorn and Arwen in a "non-spectacular" setting. Less pretentious that way.

I expect the almost-King to keep his shirt buttoned up unless off camera.

I think we've entered the personal tastes area now; I don't really feel that an unbuttoned shirt subtracts from the fantasy. I hardly even noticed that it was ubuttoned, until you brought it up, that is! But that's me.

Or do modern films have only 'mortal/flawed' heroes/princes and heroines/princesses?

I'm not really sure what you mean by "flawed." The two characters are shown to have a deep commitment to each other (once again, aside from the stupid boat to Valinor thing; if anything, I'd be more critical of that) while they engage the forces of evil and battle temptation. I don't see any flaws in that scene that one could write off as modern reinventions; at least "flaw" is not the word I would use.