[Oddwen]

...Oddwen enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarassed at the sight of Nilp in a towel, she regains her composure and says -

"I think I saw a post back thee-eere!"

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(Scene: Gondor, again it seems. Gandalf and Pippin are in their quarters, Pippin examining his new garb of the Citadel and Gandy smokin' on the porch.)

Pippin: So, this is just a costume, they don't actually expect me to wear this do they?

Gandy: You are in the service of the Steward now, Peregrin Took. You're going to have to do as you're told. *hack hack hack*

Pippin: Wait just a minute here Istari. You mean to tell me that I'm going to have to do some actual character interaction here? Serious stuff? It won't just be comic relief and moral support anymore?

Gandy *in a scratchy voice*: Ridiculous hobbit. Guard of the *hackhackhacck ptui!* Citadel.

Pippin: Riiiiight. And I'm going to have to wear this clown suit while doing it. That's perfect. *he pours a glass of water and comes to stand by Gandalf*

Gandy: *hack hack hack cough* Yes *haaaaooorrrrkkkkk coff coff hack* Oh, thank you Pip-*hack hack* *he reaches for the glass*

Pip(draining the glass): It's so quiet.

(Gandy glares through bleary eyes at the hobbit before leaning over the edge of the parapet and hacking up a hairball)

Gandy: It's the deep breath before the plunge, to use an obscure diving quote that you probably won't understand, you small-minded hole-digging sandy-haired dirt-grubbing gopher.

Pippin: I don't want to be in a battle, but waiiiting on the eeeedge of one I caaaan't escaaape is even worse. Is there any hope, Gandalf? For Frodo and Sam?

Gandy: Who?

Pippin: I guess not.

Voice from Below: Oh, man! Who dropped a cat off the Seventh Level again??

Gandy: Our enemy is ready. His full strenth gathered. Not only Orcs, but Men as well. Legions of Haradrim from the South. Lawyers from corrupt courtrooms. Mercerenaries, pirates, from the coasts. And fangirls from the dredges of Angband itself. All will answer the call of Mordor. *ringring* Oh, excuse me, that's my cell phone. I thought I told you never to call me here! Nada! Zip! I'll call back! Where was I? This will be the end of Gondor as we know it, and I feel fine. Here the hammer-stroke will fall hardest. If the river is taken, if the garrison at Osgiliath falls, the last defense of this city will be gone.

Pippin: Oh dear.

Gandy: But we've got the White Wizard, and that counts for something. Right, Pippin?

Pippin*humming*: It's the end of Gondor as we know it, and I feel fine...dangit, now it's stuck in my head!

Gandy: That isn't the best part.

Pippin: Oh? You mean, Frodo and Sam manage to destroy the Ring, Aragorn gets crowned king and there's a huge FEAST in that field over there?

Gandy: Sauron has yet to reveal his deadliest servant. The one who will lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say NO LIVING MAN can kill.

Pippin: You mean, some orc who looks like a pink marshmallow? HAHAHAHAHA-ow.

Gandy: The Witch-King of Angmar, you pointy-nosed fungus-eating garden-raiding son-of-a-possum.

Pip: Which king?

Gandy: Yes.

Pip: Which?

Gandy: Yes.

Pip: What king?

Gandy: No, Witch King.

Pip: Which what king?

Gandy: Witch. King.

Pip: *stare*

Gandy: You've met him before. He stabbed Frodo on Weathertop.

Pip: ...Aragorn?

Gandy: That was an ACCIDENT. I mean the Ringwraith, Ulari, Black Rider *seeing no comprehension* The scary big person on the big black horse? *still nothing* Who nearly killed you all *nothing* The one Merry threw the mushrooms at?

Pip: Ohhhhhhhh!! The Scary Big Person On The Big Black Horse! What about him?

Gandy: *faceslap*


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Aaand, the next scene would be Pippin lighting the beacons.