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Originally Posted by Fordim Hedgethistle
It rose up before them, a vast shape, wingless and unable to do anything but run at them with a speed that might metaphorically be described as flight. Legolas, his golden yellow hair streaming about his pointy-ears, cried out, ‘Ai ai! A balrog has come!
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I second this nomination. Way to express the controversies endlessly debated by Tolkien freaks in one hilarious, epic phrase. Earns a wide grin from most Downers, I'd expect. 
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And no one was ill, and everyone was pleased, except those who had to mow the grass.
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