Just in case y'all might think I'm still languishing in the Lair of the giant spider, I want to add that my wonderful Sam has fought a fierce and surreal battle and saved me, at least for the short term. I lay as if dead (i.e., I hid in this house and pretended I was dead and felt dead for quite some time but that pain bade me think different), while my husband out-bluffed the giant spider and gained ground in ways I couldn't have hoped for. While the victory is still tentative, it is a move beyond our former state. I can tell you I scrambled out of the Tower of Cirith Ungol with all the speed of necessity, although I've still got a hangover from the experience (and probably a scar too--I haven't looked yet!) . I am at 1630 miles, making slow headway to the north. The Black Rider was screaming of the fall of the Witch King--one evil quenched among many, and here we are in the midst of shadows, one might say with hope, but was it just a charge of energy from a short term change of fortune? I can still see the spider from my window and the bite will never heal, but at least I have mobility and can go forward again.
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I feel a lot like Frodo at the end of ROTK (the movie) where he's talking about how he's not sure things can go back to the way they were before all that has happened to him. Deep down in my heart, though I feel as that even if I do flee this life, city and neighbourhood I grew up in I won't be rid of the memories and dreams that remind me of why I want to leave.
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Ah,
elfearz1 (still, after all this time, a great name!), you have hit upon a fundamental truth of those who feel this world keenly. And I would say that there are many paths from a point of uncertainty or crisis, as I have only begun to emerge from what could have been being turned out on the street but has tentatively turned into a possible brighter future. But the sting was administered and will never be "taken back." Indeed, this is how we grow (what a way to grow!), and it is incumbent upon us to mine our experiences for the best, to focus on the good rather than the evil aspects of everything if possible. When evil without even a logical basis besets you, all you can do is retreat, fight or stand under siege, and the siege, the waiting, is the hardest, for it allows you time with your inner self. That is the time when evil works upon us with its uncertainties and fears. That is the battle that must be endured and perhaps reflected upon with the space of time in the far future as part of what made you what you have become. If one faces trials and tests them for the good path, what I call the "hobbit test," I believe that one will ultimately come out on top. Perhaps leaving is inevitable, but it is important to leave without burning bridges or sowing evil thoughts, and that is the hardest part.
Forgive my rant, but now it is time to return to the practical tasks of today! An it is very good to see you back,
Alatariel! (forgive my alt code handicap today!)
It is always pleasant to read stories of your journey!
Cheers!
Lyta (in the Land of Shadow and trudging on...)