Very funny, thanks Helen for directing me here
My add up:
mark 12_30™ action figure - is very amicable, tells jokes with a moral one probably would not understand without being widely read, and has very pointed silences - once it stops talking to you, the right guess would be you did say something not acceptable or were not a good boy/gel lately at all!
Saulotus™ action figure - sombre and a bit bulky one, knows all there is to know about Tolkien Canon and Uncanon, and utters exclamations curiosly resembling 'balderdash' and 'absolute rubbish' any time anyone starts speculating about anything vaguely reminiscent of Tolkien. If the 'speculator' insists on commiting the same crime again, kicks off prolix discourses referring to numerous sources and producing manuscripts out of his sleeve. We are awfully sorry, but Saulotus™ action figure is out of stock currently. Try searching under Bob Wehadababyitsaboy™ or similar keywords. But the latter is equally out of stock, we are grieved to inform you. Try again later
Balin999™ action figure comes with a bonus helicopter. Never says the same thing twice.
Sharkŭ™ action figure does a lot of work behind the stage, being, at the same time, constantly (and mysteriously) absent. You lose the chance of seeing the figure again as soon as you buy it - its stand will always be marked with a litle cardboard sign reading 'away' in a fine curly script
Who's Online™ digital chess set - requires great patience on behalf of the gamers, as they must catch their chance of starting the game exactly at the time when 64 members are online. And beware of the spiders - they tend to haunt same squares as pieces do use for the moves.