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§17b (§289) RD-SL-08<TN Now therefore did {those}[many] of {Úrin}[Húrin]'s band murmur, and one said to the king: 'Lo, lord, our captain {Úrin}[Húrin], an old man and mad, has departed, but we have no mind to forego our gain.'
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Why the change of those to many?
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§20 (§291) RD-SL-09<TN Now were the Elves of the wood in turn displeased, who long had stood nigh gazing on the gold; but the wild folk[ among Húrin’s band] did as they were bid, and <editorial bridge all his men departed,> RD-SL-10<TN and none may say what was {his}there unhappy weird thereafter; and little but a tortured heart got {he}they from the Gold of Glaurung.>
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should be:
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§20 (§291) RD-SL-09<TN Now were the Elves of the wood in turn displeased, who long had stood nigh gazing on the gold; but the wild folk[ among Húrin’s band] did as they were bid, and <editorial bridge all his men departed,> RD-SL-10<TN and none may say what was {his}there unhappy weird thereafter; and little but a tortured heart got {he}they from the Gold of Glaurung.>
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In this:
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RD-EX-26 <TN; but the {most}[a] part was of red gold unwrought lying in masses and in bars. The value of that hoard no man could count, for amid the gold lay many gems, and these were very beautiful to look upon, for RD-EX-27 {the fathers of the Rodothlim}<based on The Flight of the Noldor in Sil77 more than any others of the Exiles> had < [those of ] the house of Finarfin> brought <thence, memories of the bliss they had forsaken in>{ them out of} Valinor, a portion of that boundless treasury the Noldor had there possessed.>
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I think that the first part in bold sounds akward. I would say rather: but a part was. Maybe Aiwendil has a better suggestion.
The second bold phrase I added because I thought that it sounded better.
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§28c (§8) RD-EX-37<TN A golden crown they made for Thingol, {who yet had worn nought but a wreath of scarlet leaves}, and a helm too most glorious they fashioned; and a sword of dwarven steel brought from afar was hilted with bright gold and damascened in gold and silver with strange figurings wherein was pictured clear the wolf-hunt of {Karkaras Knife-fang, father of}
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I would delete
who yet had worn nought but a wreath of scarlet leaves because the later Thingol was a very rich king before the arrival of the gold from Nargothrond. It would seem odd that he would not have had a crown or something similar.
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§28d (§9) RD-EX-39 <TN Now {come}[came] the Dwarves{ nonetheless over the bridge and} before the {chair}[throne] of Thingol, and behold, the things of their workmanship they had conveyed thither in silken cloths, and boxes of rare woods carven cunningly.
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I deleted chair and changed it to throne. Same reasons as above. I suppose it is possible that Thingol was in a chair, but a throne seems more reasonable to me.
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§28h (§13) RD-EX-44 <TN But Thingol, bewildered by the golden spell and the curse of Mîm, liked not the memory of his tryst; yet dissembling he bid the craftsmen come before him, and he praised their handiwork with royal words.> And{ Thingol}, falling deeper into the thraldom of the spell, for his part {scanted}scanting his promised reward for their labour{;}, RD-EX-45 <TN he said: ‘Lo, for your labour {of seven months} six pieces of gold and one of silver each shall have, and for your labours in my halls each three pieces of gold and some small gem that I can spare. For your journey hither a great feast {shall} ye {eat}have eaten and depart ye shall with good store against your return, and ere ye go ye shall drink to Thingol in {elfin}[elvish] wine.>
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It should be elvish and not elfin.