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Oddwen · 10-01-2004, 08:43 PM

This is you. "

" This is you after reading Nilp's post. "

". Oh wait...that is Nilp. My mistake.

~*~*~*~*~*~* Scene: Osgiliath *~*~*~*~*~*~

Nazgul: Vote for Sauron 3019! Oh, and give us back the Porcelain Cow!

*Frodo, in his dazed state, takes this opportunity to leave the corner where he had been put for a "Time Out", and starts climbing the very dangerous ruins for a closer look at the chopper*

Faramir: They want the Porcelain Cow! They can have it when they pry it from our cold dead fingers. For Gondor!!!

*There is a furious volley of puny arrows towards the massive choppers. Meanwhile, Frodo has reached the top of an archway*

Nazgul no. 5: Quick, Operator, I need to know how to minutely maneuver a 'copter!

*Quickflash to Naz5, his (?) undead robes twitch as the information is downloaded into his brain*

Frodo: You know, I have a sudden urge...

Random Soldiers: He's got the Urge!

Frodo: ...to look at my Porcelain Cow! *mutters* Shampoo fiends...

*Slowly, with trembling fingers, he pulls the small knick-knack out of a secret pocket*

Naz5: Aha! Now to get closer...

Sam: Blue 42! Blue 42! Hut, hut!

Sports Announcer: And Gamgee sacks the quarterback!

*Fro and Sam tumble down the stairs, while the Nazgul loses control of the 'copter and crashes into the building. It sets off a chain reaction which destroys a whole building*

Morpheus: What do you think now, Trinity?

Trinity: That we're in the wrong movie.

*Fro and Sam end up at the bottom of the stairs. Fro pulls Sting out and points it at Sam's face*

Sam: Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! You have smashed the Porcelain Cow!

*A climactic pause as all of our faithful readers GASP!*

*Frodo's eyes lose their former madness, and a grief uncalculable dawns. With a small sigh, he looses Sting and collapses against a pillar*

Frodo: Oh, Sam! What have I done? I can't do this anymore!

Sam: I know, I know. By rights we shouldn't even be here in Osgiliath, talking about a Porcelian Cow or politicians. But it's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes, the ending you didn't want to know, hmm? Because happy, how could the end be?

Fro: Sam? Why have you gone green?

Sam: Hmm! Wants to know why I am green, he does!

*Fro smacks him*

*Flash-sideways to where the Rohirrim et. al. have defeated the Uruks*

Theoden: Victory! We have victory! I knew it all along!

Everybody:

Sam v.o.: But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. The sun will rise. The dew will evaporate. The noonday sun will make most of the shadows disappear. And the rays will fall upon the little seeds, and the seeds will spring up and spring towards the sky, and the gentle rains...*smack*

*Flash to Isengard, where there is a gigantic kegger going on, in which Merry and Pippin are making complete and total drunken fools of themselves, the little cuties*

Sam v.o.: Those were the stories that stayed with you.

Fro v.o.: The stories that stayed with me were the ones my cousin Burfo told me about the giant turnips that they used to grow back in his grandfather's day.

Sam v.o.: Those were disturbing. But even that means something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. And I am even more disturbed than before.

Fro v.o.: What is there to hold onto, then?

*Back to Osgiliath*

Sam*hoisting Fro to his feet*: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it doesn't involve turnips.

Gollum: Well, Sméagol is confused.

Faramir*walking up to Frodo*: I think at last we understand one another, Frodo Baggins.

Fro: Um...why?

Madril: You know the laws of your country, the laws of your decent-nosed father. If you let them go, statues of you with tremendously exaggerated noses will mysteriously appear in strange places at strange times.

Faramir: Hoo boy. I forgot about that. Well, shall I endure the statues, or condemn Middle-earth to enslavery forever? I'll have to sleep on that.

Sam: What?!

Faramir: Never mind my former statement, Frodo Baggins. I may understand you, but you will never fully understand me.

Fro: *sobs*

~*~*~*~*~*~* Scene: The Forests of Ithilien *~*~*~*~*~*~

*Frodo, Sam and Gollum finally escaped the freak-show of Osgiliath, and are walking through Ithilien towards Mordor*

Sam: I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs, or tales.

Fro: What?

Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, 'Legolas is sooo hott!!11!! I luv him! And I luv Pipin he is so funy!!!1!! lol!! And I love Aragorn 'cuz his hair...'

Fro: Stop! Stop! If people ever say that sort of thing, I might just think that this quest isn't worth it. And I have a feeling that the worst is yet to come.

Sam: You're right, Mr. Frodo. And anyway, they would probably say more things along the line of 'I dont liek Frodo, I only lik Leoglas, bcuz hes prettyr! lol!! Frodo is ugli, and he cant act!'

Fro*sarcastically*: But you're forgetting the chiefest of characters: Sammy the Fat. 'I dont liek Sam, hes too fat and ugli lolol he makes the ringrathes look almost as pretti as Lagolos but not quite bcuz Legolas is so pretti I want to ksis him and marri him lololol!!1!!!!'

Sam: Now, Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun. I was being serious!

Fro: So was I. *stifling a laughing fit, he turns to walk on*

Sam: I don't get it.

Frodo: Now where has Sméago gotten to? SMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEAAAAGOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!

*Meanwhile, Gollum is ahead of the duo, scouting ahead*

Sam: Ouch! Mr. Frodo, do you think it's wise to yell that loud?

Smeegs*crawling tortuously*: Master...Master looks after us. Master wouldn't hurt us.

Gollum: But he did, just now. Ouches, our eardrums...

Smeegs: Yes, maybe, perhaps...

Gollum: Master broke his promise.

Smeegs: But the ice cream store was closed!

Gollum: Master betrayed us! We ought to wring his filthy little neck!

Smeegs: Can we wash it first, precious?

Gollum: Kill him! Kill them both! And we take the Precious, and go back to the ice cream store and TRADE it for a double-dip waffle cone!

Smeegs*scuttles behind a tree*: The fat hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching.

Gollum: Then we stabs them out. Put out his eyeses. And put them on our ice cream, eh? Yummy sundae for Sméagol?

Smeegs: Yes, yes!

Gollum: Kill them both. Then there's two eyeballses for each of us!

Smeegs: Yes! No no! It's too risky, too risky! But then, risks are our business. When man first looked at the stars...

*The hobbits have come closer during this argument*

Sam: Where's that Gollum? Hey, Gollum! I have hamburgers!

Fro: You do? GIMMIE!

Sam*sotto voice*: No Mr. Frodo, I'm trying to lure him.

Gollum*low and deadly, savoring the syllables*: We could let...her do it.

Smeegs: Yes, she could do it.

Gollum: Yes, precious, she could. And we takes it once they're dead, and with the time She will take to do it, the gold standard will have skyrocketeded, and we will be able to buy TWO ice cream cones!

Smeegs: Once they're dead...

Gollum: Shh!

*Suddenly out in front of Sam and Fro a hideous creature leaps! It's spindly and pale, and its mouth with its six teeth is horribly in need of a breathmint!*

Smeegs: Silly hobbits, climb out of tree! Long ways to go yet. Sméagol will show you the way!

*Sam and Fro climb down, muttering evilly. Smeagollum turns to go*

Gollum: Follow me...heheheheheeeeee...

Sam: Was that an evil laugh I just heard, Gollum?

Smeegs: *cough* No, must be a nice fishhhbone stuck in poor Sméagol's throat! Gollum gollum!

Sam: Alright then, just don't try any sinister plans on us! We weren't born yesterday, you know!

Gollum: Okay, okay...

*And as the trio walk on, the horizon above them darkens. For quite near now is the land of Mordor. There is a dark eye in a dark tower, and dark shapes fly darkly across a darkening sky. Fadeout to the darkest dark yet...*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*The End...?*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...And now ladies and gentlemen...unless you'd like to do some EE scenes, on with "THE RETURN OF THE FISH!"

. ' ` ' . ' `' >)))o>. ' ` ' . >)))o>` ' . ' ` '.

Before going on with that, I shall do an EE scene. Ha ha! Hoho! They're coming to take me away, haha, to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time...

@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@
*It is a subdued scene in Rohan, as the body of Théodred, son of the king, is brought to his final rest. The bier is carried by the royal guard, and the King, the Wizard and the Ranger follow. Théoden is carred into the tomb, and Éowyn lifts her voice in grief*

Éowyn:
Walk with me my little child-DAH!
To the forest of denial-AH!
Speak with me my only mind
Walk with me until the time
Make the forest turn to wine
Take the legend for a fall
You saw the product
Why cant you see that you are my child?
Why don't you know that you are my mind?
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you
Take this promise to the end of you!

Theoden: *muttermutter*

Éowyn: But he liked it!

Theoden: *MUTTERmuttermutter*

Éowyn: Oh, fine.

Bealocwealm hafa / fréone frecan forth onsended
giedd sculon singan gléomenn sorgiende
on Meduselde æt he ma no wære
his dryhtne dyrest and mæga deorost.
Bealo...

(An evil death has set forth the noble warrior
A song shall sing the sorrowing minstrels
Blah! Blah! The kitty goes meow!
In Meduseld the welcome mats
Are overcome by fattened rats
Would welcome we, a nice kitty!
In Meduseld that he is no more,
To his lord dearest and his kinsmen most beloved.
An evil death...)

*And Boom! The tomb door was shut*

Gimli v.o.: I liked the first one better.

*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*

And now onto RotK!
Da RotK script

10-01-2004, 08:43 PM	#168
Oddwen Drummer in the Deep Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Next Sunday A.D. Posts: 2,126	This is you. " " This is you after reading Nilp's post. " ". Oh wait...that is Nilp. My mistake. ~~~~~~ Scene: Osgiliath ~~~~~~ Nazgul: Vote for Sauron 3019! Oh, and give us back the Porcelain Cow! Frodo, in his dazed state, takes this opportunity to leave the corner where he had been put for a "Time Out", and starts climbing the very dangerous ruins for a closer look at the chopper Faramir: They want the Porcelain Cow! They can have it when they pry it from our cold dead fingers. For Gondor!!! There is a furious volley of puny arrows towards the massive choppers. Meanwhile, Frodo has reached the top of an archway Nazgul no. 5: Quick, Operator, I need to know how to minutely maneuver a 'copter! Quickflash to Naz5, his (?) undead robes twitch as the information is downloaded into his brain Frodo: You know, I have a sudden urge... Random Soldiers: He's got the Urge! Frodo: ...to look at my Porcelain Cow! mutters Shampoo fiends... Slowly, with trembling fingers, he pulls the small knick-knack out of a secret pocket Naz5: Aha! Now to get closer... Sam: Blue 42! Blue 42! Hut, hut! Sports Announcer: And Gamgee sacks the quarterback! Fro and Sam tumble down the stairs, while the Nazgul loses control of the 'copter and crashes into the building. It sets off a chain reaction which destroys a whole building Morpheus: What do you think now, Trinity? Trinity: That we're in the wrong movie. Fro and Sam end up at the bottom of the stairs. Fro pulls Sting out and points it at Sam's face Sam: Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! You have smashed the Porcelain Cow! A climactic pause as all of our faithful readers GASP! Frodo's eyes lose their former madness, and a grief uncalculable dawns. With a small sigh, he looses Sting and collapses against a pillar Frodo: Oh, Sam! What have I done? I can't do this anymore! Sam: I know, I know. By rights we shouldn't even be here in Osgiliath, talking about a Porcelian Cow or politicians. But it's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes, the ending you didn't want to know, hmm? Because happy, how could the end be? Fro: Sam? Why have you gone green? Sam: Hmm! Wants to know why I am green, he does! Fro smacks him Flash-sideways to where the Rohirrim et. al. have defeated the Uruks Theoden: Victory! We have victory! I knew it all along! Everybody: Sam v.o.: But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. The sun will rise. The dew will evaporate. The noonday sun will make most of the shadows disappear. And the rays will fall upon the little seeds, and the seeds will spring up and spring towards the sky, and the gentle rains...smack Flash to Isengard, where there is a gigantic kegger going on, in which Merry and Pippin are making complete and total drunken fools of themselves, the little cuties Sam v.o.: Those were the stories that stayed with you. Fro v.o.: The stories that stayed with me were the ones my cousin Burfo told me about the giant turnips that they used to grow back in his grandfather's day. Sam v.o.: Those were disturbing. But even that means something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. And I am even more disturbed than before. Fro v.o.: What is there to hold onto, then? Back to Osgiliath Samhoisting Fro to his feet: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it doesn't involve turnips. Gollum: Well, Sméagol is confused. Faramirwalking up to Frodo: I think at last we understand one another, Frodo Baggins. Fro: Um...why? Madril: You know the laws of your country, the laws of your decent-nosed father. If you let them go, statues of you with tremendously exaggerated noses will mysteriously appear in strange places at strange times. Faramir: Hoo boy. I forgot about that. Well, shall I endure the statues, or condemn Middle-earth to enslavery forever? I'll have to sleep on that. Sam: What?! Faramir: Never mind my former statement, Frodo Baggins. I may understand you, but you will never fully understand me. Fro: sobs ~~~~~~ Scene: The Forests of Ithilien ~~~~~~ Frodo, Sam and Gollum finally escaped the freak-show of Osgiliath, and are walking through Ithilien towards Mordor Sam: I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs, or tales. Fro: What? Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, 'Legolas is sooo hott!!11!! I luv him! And I luv Pipin he is so funy!!!1!! lol!! And I love Aragorn 'cuz his hair...' Fro: Stop! Stop! If people ever say that sort of thing, I might just think that this quest isn't worth it. And I have a feeling that the worst is yet to come. Sam: You're right, Mr. Frodo. And anyway, they would probably say more things along the line of 'I dont liek Frodo, I only lik Leoglas, bcuz hes prettyr! lol!! Frodo is ugli, and he cant act!' Frosarcastically: But you're forgetting the chiefest of characters: Sammy the Fat. 'I dont liek Sam, hes too fat and ugli lolol he makes the ringrathes look almost as pretti as Lagolos but not quite bcuz Legolas is so pretti I want to ksis him and marri him lololol!!1!!!!' Sam: Now, Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make fun. I was being serious! Fro: So was I. stifling a laughing fit, he turns to walk on Sam: I don't get it. Frodo: Now where has Sméago gotten to? SMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEAAAAGOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!! Meanwhile, Gollum is ahead of the duo, scouting ahead Sam: Ouch! Mr. Frodo, do you think it's wise to yell that loud? Smeegscrawling tortuously: Master...Master looks after us. Master wouldn't hurt us. Gollum: But he did, just now. Ouches, our eardrums... Smeegs: Yes, maybe, perhaps... Gollum: Master broke his promise. Smeegs: But the ice cream store was closed! Gollum: Master betrayed us! We ought to wring his filthy little neck! Smeegs: Can we wash it first, precious? Gollum: Kill him! Kill them both! And we take the Precious, and go back to the ice cream store and TRADE it for a double-dip waffle cone! Smeegsscuttles behind a tree: The fat hobbit, he knows. Eyes always watching. Gollum: Then we stabs them out. Put out his eyeses. And put them on our ice cream, eh? Yummy sundae for Sméagol? Smeegs: Yes, yes! Gollum: Kill them both. Then there's two eyeballses for each of us! Smeegs: Yes! No no! It's too risky, too risky! But then, risks are our business. When man first looked at the stars... The hobbits have come closer during this argument Sam: Where's that Gollum? Hey, Gollum! I have hamburgers! Fro: You do? GIMMIE! Samsotto voice: No Mr. Frodo, I'm trying to lure him. Gollumlow and deadly, savoring the syllables: We could let...her do it. Smeegs: Yes, she could do it. Gollum: Yes, precious, she could. And we takes it once they're dead, and with the time She will take to do it, the gold standard will have skyrocketeded, and we will be able to buy TWO ice cream cones! Smeegs: Once they're dead... Gollum: Shh! Suddenly out in front of Sam and Fro a hideous creature leaps! It's spindly and pale, and its mouth with its six teeth is horribly in need of a breathmint! Smeegs: Silly hobbits, climb out of tree! Long ways to go yet. Sméagol will show you the way! Sam and Fro climb down, muttering evilly. Smeagollum turns to go Gollum: Follow me...heheheheheeeeee... Sam: Was that an evil laugh I just heard, Gollum? Smeegs: cough No, must be a nice fishhhbone stuck in poor Sméagol's throat! Gollum gollum! Sam: Alright then, just don't try any sinister plans on us! We weren't born yesterday, you know! Gollum: Okay, okay... And as the trio walk on, the horizon above them darkens. For quite near now is the land of Mordor. There is a dark eye in a dark tower, and dark shapes fly darkly across a darkening sky. Fadeout to the darkest dark yet... ~~~~~~~~~The End...?~~~~~~~~~~~ ...And now ladies and gentlemen...unless you'd like to do some EE scenes, on with "THE RETURN OF THE FISH!" . ' ` ' . ' `' >)))o>. ' ` ' . >)))o>` ' . ' ` '. Before going on with that, I shall do an EE scene. Ha ha! Hoho! They're coming to take me away, haha, to the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time... @^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@^@ It is a subdued scene in Rohan, as the body of Théodred, son of the king, is brought to his final rest. The bier is carried by the royal guard, and the King, the Wizard and the Ranger follow. Théoden is carred into the tomb, and Éowyn lifts her voice in grief Éowyn: Walk with me my little child-DAH! To the forest of denial-AH! Speak with me my only mind Walk with me until the time Make the forest turn to wine Take the legend for a fall You saw the product Why cant you see that you are my child? Why don't you know that you are my mind? Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you Take this promise to the end of you! Theoden: muttermutter Éowyn: But he liked it! Theoden: MUTTERmuttermutter Éowyn: Oh, fine. Bealocwealm hafa / fréone frecan forth onsended giedd sculon singan gléomenn sorgiende on Meduselde æt he ma no wære his dryhtne dyrest and mæga deorost. Bealo... (An evil death has set forth the noble warrior A song shall sing the sorrowing minstrels Blah! Blah! The kitty goes meow! In Meduseld the welcome mats Are overcome by fattened rats Would welcome we, a nice kitty! In Meduseld that he is no more, To his lord dearest and his kinsmen most beloved. An evil death...) And Boom! The tomb door was shut Gimli v.o.: I liked the first one better. oooooooooooooooo* And now onto RotK! Da RotK script __________________ But all the while I sit and think of times there were before I listen for returning feet and voices at the door Last edited by Oddwen; 10-01-2004 at 08:47 PM. Reason: I...hehehe...FIXED something...heheheh...