[Kransha]

One cannot have a festivity celebrating such festidious music without the inclusion of the most popular group to come out of the Bëortish Invasion: The Kirinki.

A Beef History: The well-known, oft-fangirled band bebuting in Eriador features John Lindon, Parth MaCarchost, Forge Harodson, and Ingwo Stoorr. The revolutionary overseas (from Valinor, that is) musical stylings of the Kirinki changed the world, the warrld, and the whirled. In the wake of the Kirinki, screaming females between the ages of 12 and 960 were sure to follow. In fact, in the late 2960's, their popularity was at such an all-time high that the focal point of the group, John Lindon, split off from the remainder of the Kirinki and founded an 'experience' with his ex-semi-hemi-demi-spouse, Mocha Lotho, one of the Notorious Sackville-Bagginses. The group was ostracized from the public eye, though, because of Mocha's ill-remembered alliance with the Cock-O-Woops, a group known only for their Proletariat idealism. Mocha and Lindon's only hit was the single Swagger It which was quickly adopted by Curunir Recording Studios, who forced locals to pay a nickel everytime the patented phrase was uttered. Thus, through financial difficulty and Istari infamy, the Cock-O-Woops fell from grace. Lindon, at that time, returned to the Kirinki, but not before being unfortunately *hem* decommisioned and took up residence in the Barrow-Downs. Re-joining the Kirinki as J.Lindon Version 2.0 (WightLindon, as he was called), Lindon carried the Kirinki to stardom yet again.

Public W[orks]: In their early days, the Kirinki quickly coined a number of numbers that would remain part of the Ardan vernacular for decades to come. Early tones like Noldorin Wood (one of the earliest songs, which was allegedly all subtext relating to the slipshod construction of the Valar Lamps) , Orcrist and Shout! (filled with ruminations about various Dwarven weaponry and the joys of drinking liquid mithril), A Lay in the Life (a condensed version of every Lay and Song of Arda, all abridged into 2 short lines), Michdomiel (an intelligent musical discussion of intermarriage between Ents and Wargs), and I Saw His Standing Heir (a work that expostulated mercilessly on the geopolitical issues raised by the sudden materialization of Aragorn Elessar. The Kirinki, despite their better factors, were part of the Pro-Steward League, inspired primarily by a cash donation from Steward Ecthelion II).

The song to be performed at Shirestock, though, is a new, later work, and very controversial. The recently perfected Varda in the Sky with Elfstones was considered, in its time, to be a work of foul sorcery (VSE was a popular pipe-weed supplement at the time, but only among the low sort, so the obvious acronym in the title didn’t go down well with Farthing gentlehobbits). The following is the piece in full. It’s response in the Shire, be hobbit lassies at least, was exceptionally adamant, but the older set found the ‘ninnyhammer shenanigans’ to be ‘hooliganery,’ and ‘newf-angled’ (the angle of a newf, that is, a newf being the dissolute product of a miscalculated transformation from newt to man). Her follows the legendary work of music, filled with new nonsense and old ramblings.

(Note: If you understand the analogues within, you, sir or madam, are a genius, and have no place reading this post)

Picture yourself in a boat on the Water,
With Nauglamir trees and miruvor skies
Somebody calls you, you answer real vaguely,
A girl with Beleriand eyes.
Barrow-Wight mounds of blackish and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the Wight with the dark in his eyes,
And he's gone.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where Silmaril people eat Nimphelos pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the wight-mounds,
That grow so incredibly high.
Fiberglass mûmaks appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the Void,
And you're gone.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...

Picture yourself in a field in a Meara,
With plasticine uruks with Seregon ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
The girl with the Beleriand eyes.

Varda in the Sky with Elfstones...