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About the "not in vain" bit, I think that even though Frodo could not stay in the Shire, it was not in vain for him. After all, he did play a huge part in saving Middle-earth, and from my idealistic point of view that is worth the self-sacrifice. Plus, he got to go find peace in the Blessed Realm, and this was why it was not in vain. At least he was not forced to suffer.
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