Ah yes, the subject of romance is dramatically sliced up in a lot of the 'new-wave' fantasy books (probably due to the latest generation of writers having different associations of the word 'fantasy')
But trying desperately to keep it clean, wasn't Tolkien's romances (Gorn/Arwen, Faramir/Eowyn) amazingly beautiful and, well, romantic? There has been a quite remarkable criticism of Tolkien's male/female relationships over the years, and I think it is horribly unjustified. If you're begging for - what you call - 'realism', then please go away and read Bridget Jones or some other new-age garbage and you'll realise how utterly horrible it is. Then, when you're crawling back along the harsh, dusty road trying in vain to apologise to Tolkien's legacy, I'll be standing watching you, chuckling manicly and saying "I told you so!"
Diamond, a world without rules would be a terrible place, but some rules are mere wannabes, and don't deserve recognition.